The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?
In today’s world, it is true that technological advancements have significantly contributed to reducing the incidence of
crime
. Personally, I agree with the idea that technology
supports law enforcers in restraining and resolving criminal activities.
Firstly
, crime
prevention can be enhanced thanks to technological developments. What this
means is that through the use of technology
, crime
attempts can be deterred. A prime illustration of this
point is the invention of cutting-edged outdoor cameras to avoid burglars. In particular
, this
kind of camera has infrared night vision and also
adjustable motion detection which can watch blind spots. Rephrase
apply
As a result
, this
would minimize criminal intrusion, thereby improving inhabitants’ safety and avoiding loss of life and property.
Another advantage of technology
is the use of high-tech devices that help detect and solve crime
cases faster. Notorious prisoners, for example
, often tend to detect security holes in prison to escape. Compared to the old days, prisoner management and prison security were solely undertaken by jailers and without technological interventions. To resolve this
problem, technological engineers have invented GPS tracking and electronic monitoring systems that improve the ability to track the movements of inmates both inside and outside the prison grounds. This
can aid in effective supervision and deterrence against escape attempts.
In conclusion, I fully support the view that crime
prevention and resolution have made remarkable progress with technological assistance. The government needs to allocate more national budget for technology
improvement and innovation with the aim of curbing and solving potential criminal activities.Submitted by nguyentuanh61294 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a logical progression. Transition smoothly from one idea to the next, using a range of linking words and cohesive devices effectively. Some sentences in the essay appeared a bit abrupt; try to connect them more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points of the argument. While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, they could be more explicitly connected to the body paragraphs to better unify the essay's argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop and support your main points with a deeper analysis. While examples are provided, they could be enriched with more in-depth explanation to fortify the argument. Expanding on the implications can reinforce the significance of each point.
task achievement
Address the task by fully responding to all parts of the prompt. You have clearly taken a position, but make sure that you substantiate your opinion with a thorough assessment of the contrasting views, if any exist, to provide a balanced argument.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay illustrates ideas clearly and comprehensively. Aim to elaborate on the points with sufficient detail and clarity, which can include exploring multiple facets of an issue or considering other perspectives to confirm the ideas discussed.
task achievement
When providing examples, ensure they are relevant and effectively illustrate the argument. Your examples are well chosen, but further elaboration on how they specifically impact the crime rate can add more weight to your reasoning.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite