IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people feel that urban environments are more unhealty than they have ever been. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What measures can be effective tackling this problem?

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It is often believed that the urban environment is deteriorating more than in previous years. I think the primary cause would be a growing level of
noise
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, for which the government should impose strict restrictions on people and industries. Increasing air
pollution
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 is
also
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 a serious issue and the development of new technologies is essential. First of all,
noise
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pollution
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 has a damaging effect on the health of those living in urban cities as it leads to a rise in their frustration.
In other words
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, urban dwellers are more likely to be distracted, finding it hard to concentrate on their work and study
due to
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 the sudden interruption of
noise
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 from construction sites
as well as
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 streets.
Thus
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, strict regulations are necessary to reduce the level of
noise
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 by charging drivers of vehicles and industries to discourage them from producing annoying
noise
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.
Such
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 an active approach is crucial in promoting the peace and health of residents, who would not feel stressed about constant exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
noise
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. Another significant cause of the unhealthy in cities is air
pollution
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 resulting from a rapid increase in cars on the roads. Indeed, the level of CO2 and harmful chemical substances is rising dramatically in centres of cities, which promotes global warming.
For instance
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, the average temperature in Tokyo has risen by 1.2 degrees Celsius for a decade, increasing more risk of health diseases including dehydration.
Therefore
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, the use of electric vehicles should be widely promoted to reduce gas emissions to protect their safety. In conclusion, one of the significant causes of the unhealthy urban environment is the growing troubles of
noise
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 which comes from transportation and construction, for which tax should be imposed on those who produce
noise
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.
In addition
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, air
pollution
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 is
also
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 a serious cause, for which electric cars should replace conventional cars
due to
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 their dangerous emissions.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points, especially in the section discussing noise pollution.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by making sure each paragraph focuses on a single main point and develops it fully before moving on to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Include more varied sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets up the problem and outlines the main causes and solutions that will be discussed.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to both parts of the prompt, addressing both the causes and potential solutions for the unhealthy urban environment.
supported evidence
Main points are generally well-supported with reasoning and some examples, particularly in the discussion of air pollution.
conclusion
The conclusion adequately summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, providing a satisfactory ending.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • pollution
  • emissions
  • carbon dioxide
  • nitrogen oxides
  • air quality
  • industrial pollution
  • green spaces
  • factories
  • manufacturing units
  • health issues
  • residents
  • waste management
  • disposal
  • contamination
  • diseases
  • overpopulation
  • infrastructure
  • public services
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