IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinge upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#promoters #media #people #critics #site #one’s #privacy
In
this
 contemporary era, the usage of social
media
 has become a common trend among
people
.
People
 often hold varied views about the internet both in its favour and opposition. In my opinion, the utilization of social
media
 can prove worthwhile but only if there is a wall between private and public life. On the one hand, proponents claim that these days interaction with others on social
media
 is a must. As in some parts of the world, making vlogs of their daily life is in demand.
This
 is
due to
 the active income as posting informative videos or photos on online platforms helps to make good income on a monthly basis which not only helps individuals in their financial growth but
also
 helps to build a social status.
On the other hand
, as per opponents believe that internet sites break the privacy of
people
. With the increase in cybercrime, filling out personal information or posting any video publicly leads to excessive attacks of robbery.
To sum up
, no doubt using social
media
 is commendable these days as it helps in the social and financial growth of
people
 but it is only useful if the usage of these sites
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 limited or the privacy of one is encrypted.
Submitted by rk366704 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that encapsulates your overall opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant but could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to enhance their impact.
task achievement
Work on providing more details and explanations to fully develop your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity and organization of your arguments by ensuring a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include more transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
task achievement
The essay covers both views and provides a clear opinion in the conclusion, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
The main points are clearly distinct and relevant to the topic, showcasing a good understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the discussion by acknowledging the differing views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion aptly summarizes the main points and provides a clear standpoint, rounding off the essay effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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