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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together to what extent do u agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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There is no denying the fact that Some folks say that
songs
 are the best way of bringing
people
 of different cultures and ages together It is a commonly held belief that
songs
 are the best way of bringing
people
 of different cultures and ages There is no argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
songs
 will motivate a lot of
people
 from different countries.
To begin
 with,
Music
, some words inside the
music
 could make some kind of a big spot on you.
In other words
, let,s you love other countries because of their
music
.
In addition
, Too many musicians are becoming famous
due to
 fans from across the universe.
For example
, the celebrity " John and the USA" John was from Japan and his
songs
 reached the United States he became famous in the USA more than he is In Japan Because he has his characteristics Plus he was presenting some good
music
 and good vibes. Another point to consider is
although
 the world is becoming famous because of
music
, It is
also
 possible to say that it is easy and the percentage of being famous is almost 95%.
Moreover
, in the world of
music
, there are different types of
music
such
 as rock, romantic, and mystery
music
, and much more.
For instance
, Japan has developed a new preternatural a new type of
music
, which is highly recommended to heal patients and the government and small hospitals obtain some money from it. In conclusion, In my opinion, I believe it is a good way to bring
people
 together from any place, despite
people
 having different views.
Submitted by fnokgamer11 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining the structure of your essay to ensure each paragraph has a distinct main point that supports your argument. Use clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. Provide more in-depth explanations and continue to use relevant examples to back up your points.
general
Pay attention to the grammatical accuracy and variety in your sentence structures. Minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases detract from the overall quality of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical introduction and conclusion. This helps to guide the reader through your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples to support your points, such as the mention of John and his success in the USA, and the development of healing music in Japan.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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