IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Statement: Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #circle #relationships
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It is desirable
by
Change preposition
for
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 some to have an enlarged
circle
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 to interact with,
while
Linking Words
 there are others who think having a small
circle
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 of closest
friends
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 and family members is the best. In my opinion, I believe having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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people
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 around is good for developing deeper emotional connections,
although
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 there are increased
opportunities
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in engaging
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to engage
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 with many
people
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. On the one hand, networking is an advantage as it brings along many
opportunities
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 in different aspects of life.
People
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 can share their views, learn from others and develop their communication skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, engaging in social networking groups
such
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 as church cells can help
people
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 to expand their knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
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 their religion and they can get spiritual support from other members.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there can be job
opportunities
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 as a big
circle
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 can consist of recruiters or
people
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 with links which is a great benefit.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having a small social
circle
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 is important for developing deeper emotional connections. It is very easy to build trust and loyalty with
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 close
friends
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 and these can be readily available in times of need to provide support in any way. Unlike with many
friends
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, few
friends
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 can understand you better,
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 your ups and downs and can assist you without judging.
For example
Linking Words
, keeping close your relatives and a few
friends
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 who can always check up on you and put your happiness first is priceless, something a larger group cannot do. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a large social
circle
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 is good for creating increased
opportunities
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, I believe keeping only close
friends
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 and relatives around is good for developing deeper emotional connections.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a coherent structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, but a slightly improved logical progression would enhance it further.
Task Response
While the response is complete and comprehensively covers both views, a few more specific examples could strengthen the arguments further.
Language Use and Style
Consider varying the vocabulary and sentence structures to improve fluency and readability of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, providing a good framework for the essay.
Task Response
The main points are supported with relevant examples, making the arguments stronger.
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