Statement: Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is desirable
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
some to have an enlarged
circle
of
people
to interact with,
while
there are others who think having a small
circle
of closest
friends
and family members is the best. In my opinion, I believe having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
around is good for developing deeper emotional connections,
although
there are increased
opportunities
in engaging
Change preposition
to engage
show examples
with many
people
. On the one hand, networking is an advantage as it brings along many
opportunities
in different aspects of life.
People
can share their views, learn from others and develop their communication skills.
For instance
, engaging in social networking groups
such
as church cells can help
people
to expand their knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
their religion and they can get spiritual support from other members.
Moreover
, there can be job
opportunities
as a big
circle
can consist of recruiters or
people
with links which is a great benefit.
On the other hand
, having a small social
circle
is important for developing deeper emotional connections. It is very easy to build trust and loyalty with
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
close
friends
and these can be readily available in times of need to provide support in any way. Unlike with many
friends
, few
friends
can understand you better,
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
your ups and downs and can assist you without judging.
For example
, keeping close your relatives and a few
friends
who can always check up on you and put your happiness first is priceless, something a larger group cannot do. In conclusion,
although
a large social
circle
is good for creating increased
opportunities
, I believe keeping only close
friends
and relatives around is good for developing deeper emotional connections.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a coherent structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, but a slightly improved logical progression would enhance it further.
Task Response
While the response is complete and comprehensively covers both views, a few more specific examples could strengthen the arguments further.
Language Use and Style
Consider varying the vocabulary and sentence structures to improve fluency and readability of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, providing a good framework for the essay.
Task Response
The main points are supported with relevant examples, making the arguments stronger.
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