In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken?
Nowadays,it is undeniable that non-communicable diseases are one of the serious
problems
since the average weight of people
is rising,whereas
the level of health
is facing a downward trend.In the following paragraphs,causes and some sensible solutions will be presented.
The main causes of people
's health
problems
are a high-sugar diet and lack of exercise
.The reason why the present diet tends to have more added sugar is the human brain's tendency to search for carbohydrates.Looking back when we were in the Stone Age,Carbohydrates were scarce.In other words
, they are our precious food.However
today caloric sweeteners are abundant,and our brains are still stuck in the past.Consequently
,people
consume carbohydrates more than the proper limit causing serious health
diseases.Additionally
,the modern lifestyle is not suitable for exercise
since most workplaces are located in the office providing a few spaces to move.In addition
,Long hours of work are the main problem for less exercise
hours.
To solve these problems
,cooperation between each sector is required.Firstly
, the government should increase taxes on added sugar foods forcing people
less choose to consume and lower the price of a healthy diet.In addition
,Government could provide more space for people
to exercise
such
as a park or gym.Furthermore
,Individuals also
have to participate in their own health
promotion.They can aim to exercise
at least 150 minutes per week and eat less sugar-added foods ,and they can encourage their acquaintance to have healthier lifestyles as well.
In conclusion,The reasons for people
's health
problems
are eating sugar-added foods and lack of exercise
.To tackle these problems
requires cooperation between the government and individual levels.Submitted by chawanat.pla on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly. This will help to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Clarify how the increase in taxes on sugary foods directly leads to better public health outcomes, perhaps with examples from countries where this policy has been effective.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies high-sugar diets and lack of exercise as major causes of health problems.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the key points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides practical, cooperative measures which involve both government and individuals in solving the health issues.
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