In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their health and fitness are suffering. What do you think are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Obesity, in recent years, has become prevalent in certain nations which has resulted in a decline in the levels of well-being.
This
essay will discuss reasons
for Correct article usage
the reasons
this
phenomenon along with
proposing some measures that can be implemented to reverse this
trend.
The major reasons for weight gain, in my estimation, are an imbalanced diet along with
a sedentary lifestyle. People nowadays have a preference for convenience food because they either do not have sufficient time to prepare a healthy meal or they are probably ignorant of the negative effects these fast foods have on their health. An additional factor is the idle lifestyle many citizens live as a result
of the changes in working practices. Jobs that were once done entirely by humans have become increasingly automated, especially in the industrial sector, while
employees in other fields spend an inordinate amount of time in front of computer screens.
Education can be the key to stemming this
unhealthy trend which, in turn, will lighten the state’s health care expenses. Throughout the education system, children need to be taught the importance of a healthy, balanced diet in a curriculum that also
values and practices physical education. Moreover
, citizens could be encouraged, through government health-awareness programs, to do more physical exercise. Having their awareness raised on the ill-effects
of weight gain and the numerous benefits of maintaining fitness, people can be incentivized to make positive lifestyle adjustments.
In conclusion, an unhealthy diet and lack of exercise have resulted in obesity Correct your spelling
ill effects
amongst
people. Governments, Change preposition
among
therefore
, should take responsibility for educating their citizens to be more responsible for their weight levels and physical fitness.Submitted by masud on
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task achievement
To further enhance task achievement, consider adding more specific examples, possibly from your own experience or knowledge, to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, you could use more transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly. Additionally, introducing small variations in sentence structures can make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents clear and coherent arguments about the causes of obesity and measures to address it. The logical structure and the flow of ideas are well maintained.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear understanding of the essay's purpose and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay fully responds to the task prompt, covering both the causes and potential solutions for the increasing average weight and declining health and fitness levels in certain countries.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.