IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation.

#country #year #place #agency #accommodation
Dear Sir, I hope you are in good health. My name is Ahtsham Wakeel, currently living in Multan, the city of the Islamic Republic Of Pakistan.
Last
 year, I applied to three universities in the United Kingdom, to pursue my master's in " Public Health ". Two days ago, I received an admission letter from the university in Manchester City.
Furthermore
, I have been planning to move as early as possible. My purpose in writing is to seek help from you in relation to my accommodation. I have been planning to take my better half with me. So, I need to find a 2-bedroom apartment on a limited budget, which is 400 pounds only.
In addition
, I would like to mention two important points.
Firstly
, I need an apartment near to my university in Manchester. My concern is to save money by avoiding transportation. I would prefer to go by walk, that makes me healthy and refreshing.
Secondly
, I would like to play football in my leisure time. Try to keep the ground as near as possible to my accommodation. Anxiously waiting for your response. yours Faithfully, Ahtsham
Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on

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single idea per paragraph
To enhance the clarity of your letter, ensure that each paragraph addresses a single, specific idea or request.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasings to ensure smooth readability.
suitable writing tone
Polite and formal tone is maintained throughout the letter, which is appropriate for this type of request.
logical structure
Clear and logical flow of thoughts and requests throughout the letter, making it easy to follow.
greeting and closing
Effective opening and closing statements which appropriately set the tone and conclude the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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