You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation.

#country #year #place #agency #accommodation

Dear Sir, I hope you are in good health. My name is Ahtsham Wakeel, currently living in Multan, the city of the Islamic Republic Of Pakistan.

Last

year, I applied to three universities in the United Kingdom, to pursue my master's in " Public Health ". Two days ago, I received an admission letter from the university in Manchester City.

Furthermore

, I have been planning to move as early as possible. My purpose in writing is to seek help from you in relation to my accommodation. I have been planning to take my better half with me. So, I need to find a 2-bedroom apartment on a limited budget, which is 400 pounds only.

In addition

, I would like to mention two important points.

Firstly

, I need an apartment near to my university in Manchester. My concern is to save money by avoiding transportation. I would prefer to go by walk, that makes me healthy and refreshing.

Secondly

, I would like to play football in my leisure time. Try to keep the ground as near as possible to my accommodation. Anxiously waiting for your response. yours Faithfully, Ahtsham

Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on Mon Aug 26 2024

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single idea per paragraph

To enhance the clarity of your letter, ensure that each paragraph addresses a single, specific idea or request.

coherence cohesion

Double-check for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasings to ensure smooth readability.

suitable writing tone

Polite and formal tone is maintained throughout the letter, which is appropriate for this type of request.

logical structure

Clear and logical flow of thoughts and requests throughout the letter, making it easy to follow.

greeting and closing

Effective opening and closing statements which appropriately set the tone and conclude the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

188 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Advantages and disadvantages using internet in the modern era

In order to be successful in sports, some people think you have to be physically strong. Others say that mental strength is more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Computers and AI technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can AI enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

In many parts of the world, some famous people are considered ‘role models', and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?