IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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We are standing at the new dawn of the developing world.
Therefore
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, there are more experiments occurred, and some people think that all experimentation on
faunas
Use synonyms
 is inhumane and should be banned. Meanwhile, others believe that vital scientific explorations can be made from wildlife experiments. In my opinion, there is no way to alternate experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, admittedly,
animals
Use synonyms
 are perfect things that scientists can
use
Use synonyms
 to carry out their explorations.
In addition
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, there is no choice
besides
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 using
faunas
Use synonyms
 as experimental objects for dangerous experiments.
For example
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, when experimenting with vaccines, scientists can
use
Use synonyms
 wildlife to observe the results of the experiment.
In addition
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, specialists can not
use
Use synonyms
 inanimate objects like plants, and even more impossible to
use
Use synonyms
 them on humans because of the risks.
Additionally
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, using
faunas
Use synonyms
 can bring people lots of crucial discoveries which have many benefits.
First,
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can mentioned as special features that help
animals
Use synonyms
 adapt to hostile environments.
Furthermore
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, there are some functions that only
animals
Use synonyms
 have to help them get away from danger and survive even evaluating that can help humans create innovations.
For instance
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, some companies have plans to study the intelligence of octopuses. Why do they have 9 brains and their information processing speed?
As a result
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, they can create methods or drugs to help patients with cerebral palsy. In conclusion, I believe that currently, experts can only
use
Use synonyms
faunas
Use synonyms
 to proceed the dangerous discoveries.
However
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, some scientists have found alternative ways to conduct their explorations
instead
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 of using wildlife.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating your position and providing an overview of the main points that will be discussed. Make sure your thesis statement is explicit and guides the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and try to develop your ideas more fully. Adding more specific examples and details would help illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Clearly separate your ideas into organized paragraphs and ensure that the transitions between them are smooth and logical.
coherence cohesion
Work on the cohesion within paragraphs by linking sentences more effectively. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure your arguments flow logically.
coherence cohesion
Restate your main points and your stance briefly in the conclusion to give a sense of closure. This reinforces your argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue and your arguments are relevant to the topic.
task achievement
You use some specific examples to support your points, which is good for developing your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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