IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today, many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of their life, but few of them can achieve it. What are the problems in trying it? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, it is argued that most workers are trying to find
work
Use synonyms
-life balance, but only a few of them succeed.
This
Linking Words
 happened
due to
Linking Words
 the desire to earn lots of money. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue, governments should prohibit more than 8
hours
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
 per day.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is believed that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to find a perfect equilibrium between
work
Use synonyms
 and other parts of their lives,
such
Linking Words
 as family or leisure.
However
Linking Words
, only several of them succeed. The main problem why
this
Linking Words
 happens is the fact of making a huge amount of money. Of course, humanity
understand
Change the verb form
understands
show examples
 that they can not earn all the money in the world.
However
Linking Words
, the desire to become rich overweighs their living conditions. They sacrifice everything
that is
Linking Words
 dear to them (leisure, family, spending time with children) for the sake of serving. Take my father as an example. When I was a child and studied at a music school, he never came to my performances since he could not refuse his boss at
work
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 find it hard to have a perfect balance as they
want
Correct your spelling
won't
show examples
 become affluent. To handle
this
Linking Words
 issue, governments should pass laws which would prohibit more than 8
hours
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
 per week. Specifically, workers will operate 8
hours
Use synonyms
, come home and spend time on their preferences,
such
Linking Words
 as watching a movie or going to the spa. Another solution for the public is to set breaks during serving
hours
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they will not get tired and, of course, will be full of energy and strength. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to find a great equilibrium between working and leisure time. The crucial problem is the desire to make a huge amount of cash. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue,
people
Use synonyms
 should take breaks to relax and the solution for governments is to forbid more than 8
hours
Use synonyms
 per day.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the task and discusses both problems and solutions for achieving work-life balance effectively. However, some points require more elaboration for greater clarity and detail.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. For instance, you mention that people work long hours to earn money, but explaining underlying factors such as rising living costs or societal expectations could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your suggestions are feasible and practical. Suggesting breaks and enforcing an 8-hour workday are good ideas, but discussing the potential impact on various industries and jobs could add depth to your solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows well with clear connections between paragraphs. Nonetheless, finer transitions between your points and paragraphs could enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and ensure smooth reading. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. While your paragraphs are generally well-structured, some ideas could be divided to allow for deeper exploration of each point.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the essay and clearly states the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a sense of closure.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear awareness of the importance of work-life balance and presents relevant issues and suggestions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 24/7 work culture
  • societal pressure
  • overworking
  • neglecting
  • supportive workplace policies
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • promoting a culture
  • mental health days
  • expectation of being available
  • collaborate
  • regulations
  • prioritize
  • well-being
  • clear boundaries
  • time management skills
  • unwind
What to do next:
Look at other essays: