Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts #music

Several citizens argue that rather than funding

arts

, the

government

is better

to use

Change preposition

off using

show examples

money

Change preposition

for

show examples

other things. Personally, I fully support

this

idea because I believe that a nation has numerous sectors that should be prioritized. In today's world,

arts

seem to be more likely luxury products. Because of that, it is produced not for fulfilling the basic needs of humans.

Thus

, it

unmatchs

Correct your spelling

matches

unmatched

with the primary purpose of the

government

which is to provide better

live

Change the form of the verb

living

show examples

for their inhabitants.

Instead

of spending a lot of

money

for

Change preposition

show examples

painters or

musicans

Correct your spelling

musicians

, the authority is better to focus on funding

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crucial things

such

as spotting taxes to build public facilities and investing some budget

Change preposition

show examples

developing

educational

Correct article usage

an educational

show examples

system.

Moreover

, the local councils

therefore

should reduce the poverty rates through giving donations or establishing

residental

Correct your spelling

residential

areas in order to ensure that their citizens have well-life.

In addition

, art products are usually displayed in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fancy areas like in the

lounge

Fix the agreement mistake

lounges

show examples

of hotels or museums with

priecy

Correct your spelling

pricey

tickets.

This

causes certain individuals can afford to buy and attend the exhibitions.

In other words

, poorer people are unable to access them and it means that happiness produced by art

worker

Fix the agreement mistake

workers

show examples

is only enjoyed by a few of

population

Correct article usage

the population

show examples

This

makes funding for art

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

unnecessary because

vast

Add an article

the vast

show examples

majority of citizens can not have the same joy and it will result in unbalancing each

individu

Correct your spelling

individual

. In conclusion, I agree that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

government

money

must be spent

Change preposition

show examples

important areas

such

as education sectors and public utilities

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

arts

Correct article usage

the arts

show examples

Besides

that, the

joyful

Replace the word

joy

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

arts

can not be accessed by several people. So

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

, it is not supportive

Correct your spelling

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

gives

money

to them

Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on Wed Aug 28 2024

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task response

Work on enhancing the clarity and precision of your arguments. There are several areas where the ideas are a bit vague or not fully expanded upon. Be sure to elaborate more on your main points and consider counterarguments to strengthen your essay.

coherence cohesion

Focus on reducing minor grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. This will help in presenting your arguments more clearly and make your essay more coherent.

task response

Consider providing specific statistics, studies, or real-world examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and well-rounded.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas logically and coherently.

task response

You addressed the prompt fully and provided a clear stance on the topic. This is important for achieving a good score in task response.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?