IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Several citizens argue that rather than funding
arts
Use synonyms
, the
government
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 is better
to use
Change preposition
off using
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money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other things. Personally, I fully support
this
Linking Words
 idea because I believe that a nation has numerous sectors that should be prioritized. In today's world,
arts
Use synonyms
 seem to be more likely luxury products. Because of that, it is produced not for fulfilling the basic needs of humans.
Thus
Linking Words
, it
unmatchs
Correct your spelling
matches
unmatched
 with the primary purpose of the
government
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 which is to provide better
live
Change the form of the verb
living
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 for their inhabitants.
Instead
Linking Words
 of spending a lot of
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 painters or
musicans
Correct your spelling
musicians
, the authority is better to focus on funding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crucial things
such
Linking Words
 as spotting taxes to build public facilities and investing some budget
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing
educational
Correct article usage
an educational
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 system.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the local councils
therefore
Linking Words
 should reduce the poverty rates through giving donations or establishing
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 areas in order to ensure that their citizens have well-life.
In addition
Linking Words
, art products are usually displayed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fancy areas like in the
lounge
Fix the agreement mistake
lounges
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 of hotels or museums with
priecy
Correct your spelling
pricey
 tickets.
This
Linking Words
 causes certain individuals can afford to buy and attend the exhibitions.
In other words
Linking Words
, poorer people are unable to access them and it means that happiness produced by art
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 is only enjoyed by a few of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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.
This
Linking Words
 makes funding for art
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unnecessary because
vast
Add an article
the vast
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 majority of citizens can not have the same joy and it will result in unbalancing each
individu
Correct your spelling
individual
. In conclusion, I agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 must be spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 important areas
such
Linking Words
 as education sectors and public utilities
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the
joyful
Replace the word
joy
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
 can not be accessed by several people. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, it is not supportive
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 gives
money
Use synonyms
 to them

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task response
Work on enhancing the clarity and precision of your arguments. There are several areas where the ideas are a bit vague or not fully expanded upon. Be sure to elaborate more on your main points and consider counterarguments to strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Focus on reducing minor grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. This will help in presenting your arguments more clearly and make your essay more coherent.
task response
Consider providing specific statistics, studies, or real-world examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas logically and coherently.
task response
You addressed the prompt fully and provided a clear stance on the topic. This is important for achieving a good score in task response.
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