Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Several citizens argue that rather than funding
arts
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, the
government
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is better
to use
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off using
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money
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in
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for
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other things. Personally, I fully support
this
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idea because I believe that a nation has numerous sectors that should be prioritized. In today's world,
arts
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seem to be more likely luxury products. Because of that, it is produced not for fulfilling the basic needs of humans.
Thus
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, it
unmatchs
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matches
unmatched
with the primary purpose of the
government
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which is to provide better
live
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living
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for their inhabitants.
Instead
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of spending a lot of
money
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for
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on
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painters or
musicans
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musicians
, the authority is better to focus on funding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crucial things
such
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as spotting taxes to build public facilities and investing some budget
on
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in
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developing
educational
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an educational
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system.
Moreover
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, the local councils
therefore
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should reduce the poverty rates through giving donations or establishing
residental
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residential
areas in order to ensure that their citizens have well-life.
In addition
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, art products are usually displayed in
the
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apply
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fancy areas like in the
lounge
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lounges
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of hotels or museums with
priecy
Correct your spelling
pricey
tickets.
This
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causes certain individuals can afford to buy and attend the exhibitions.
In other words
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, poorer people are unable to access them and it means that happiness produced by art
worker
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workers
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is only enjoyed by a few of
population
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the population
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.
This
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makes funding for art
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unnecessary because
vast
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the vast
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majority of citizens can not have the same joy and it will result in unbalancing each
individu
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individual
. In conclusion, I agree that
the
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apply
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government
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money
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must be spent
in
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on
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important areas
such
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as education sectors and public utilities
than
Rephrase
rather than
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Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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.
Besides
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that, the
joyful
Replace the word
joy
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by
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of
show examples
arts
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can not be accessed by several people. So
that
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apply
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, it is not supportive
if
Correct your spelling
of
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government
Add an article
the government
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gives
money
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to them
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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task response
Work on enhancing the clarity and precision of your arguments. There are several areas where the ideas are a bit vague or not fully expanded upon. Be sure to elaborate more on your main points and consider counterarguments to strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Focus on reducing minor grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. This will help in presenting your arguments more clearly and make your essay more coherent.
task response
Consider providing specific statistics, studies, or real-world examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas logically and coherently.
task response
You addressed the prompt fully and provided a clear stance on the topic. This is important for achieving a good score in task response.
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