IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Human society has made great technological progress in the last 100 years. Some people think this also has negative effects on our life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Technology
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 has progressed enormously over the
last
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 century. Nowadays, many people argue that technological development has negatively affected our lives in various ways. I believe there are significant benefits to the progress of
technology
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 in our societies with a few drawbacks. On the one hand, human beings have been extensively affected by
technology
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.
Technology
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 has made human life easier, and more convenient.
For example
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, the internet not only connects all parts of the world virtually but
also
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 makes all information available to anyone worldwide.
Additionally
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, many aspects of human lives have become totally dependent on
technology
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.
For instance
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, transportation and communication ways, like cars and mobile phones respectively, have changed the world and have become an essential part of an individual's life.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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 has engendered some negative effects.
Although
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 the internet is now an integral part of our lives, it has many deleterious impacts on our societies. New generations tend to be more socially isolated and even prefer video gaming to physical play.
Moreover
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, luxurious amenities perpetuate a sedentary lifestyle, which in turn fosters more health problems like obesity and cardiac diseases.
For example
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, research conducted at Harvard University in 2010, showed that diseases which are associated with low physical activity have increased by 75% over the
last
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 decades.
To conclude
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,
technology
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 has impressive impacts on human beings, yet it poses multi-faceted challenges that necessitate immediate global attention. Communities have to take steps to minimize those negative effects and make sure to ease the path to coming generations to prevent any more technological damage.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides a balanced view, which is a strong start. To achieve a higher score, consider providing a more nuanced thesis statement that explicitly states to what extent you agree or disagree with the prompt.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. While your examples are relevant, providing more specific, varied, and up-to-date evidence could strengthen your argument. For instance, you may want to cite more recent studies or statistics beyond 2010.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and your main ideas are well-organized. To further enhance coherence, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly. This can also make your transitions between points even smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear and well-structured main ideas, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. This evidences strong writing skills.
coherence cohesion
Your use of language is precise and appropriate, showing a good command of vocabulary. Terms like 'deleterious impacts' and 'sedentary lifestyle' demonstrate your lexical resource.
task achievement
You have addressed both positive and negative aspects of technological progress, offering a balanced perspective. This comprehensive approach is a strong point.
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