IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

While some people consider global warming to be the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe that deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Planet Earth is suffering from various environmental complications. it is argued by a number of individuals that the leading cause of enhancing environmental problems is global warming,
while
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 other begs to differ that
deforestation
Use synonyms
 has a more drastic Influence on our planet.
However
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, I believe cutting down forests has a significant effect on the world. To commence with, global warming is surging
due to
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 the greenhouse effect and industrial waste being dumped into oceans.
For instance
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, industries on a bigger scale dump their waste material
along with
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 dirty water filled with chemicals into the oceans which is raising the sea temperature , loss of biodiversity, and drastic alterations in the weather conditions.
Thus
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, climate change is playing a crucial role in
overall
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 damage to the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, I believe
deforestation
Use synonyms
 around the world is affecting the masses on a greater level. The primary reason why some people believe
deforestation
Use synonyms
 has a major hit on the
environment
Use synonyms
 is because cutting down forests leads to the loss of habitats for millions of species.
Due to
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 the excessive cutting of trees the forests which used to be home to ample species,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are now on the verge of extinction.
Deforestation
Use synonyms
,
therefore
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 has an immediate
along with
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 the localized
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on biodiversity.
Furthermore
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,
Deforestation
Use synonyms
 is contributing towards numerous natural calamities
such
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 as landslides, floods, and heat waves.
As a result
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 of these natural disasters
environment
Use synonyms
 is being damaged which is affecting individuals. In conclusion, global warming has
a long-term effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
long-term effects
a long-term effect
show examples
 on the
environment
Use synonyms
.
However
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, I still believe
deforestation
Use synonyms
 has a more immediate and harsh blow on the circumstances around the world.

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coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Right now, there are some abrupt transitions that could be smoothed out.
task achievement
Strengthen the arguments by providing more relevant and specific examples for both global warming and deforestation. Specific examples can make the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction does a good job of setting up the two sides of the argument, giving a clear sense of your stance.
task achievement
The essay adequately discusses both sides, ensuring that the task response is complete and balanced.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Greenhouse effect
  • Industrial emissions
  • Sea levels
  • Extreme weather events
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon emissions
  • Renewable energy
  • Paris Climate Accord
  • Carbon cycle
  • Soil erosion
  • Water cycles
  • Carbon sequestration
  • Reforestation
  • Sustainable forest management
  • Indigenous communities
  • Localized impacts
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