IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good mebers of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The importance of a decent personality is significantly appreciated in today's society.
However
Linking Words
, there are two contrasting views where a section of society claims that guardians should be involved in shaping the
overall
Linking Words
 personality of their children
while
Linking Words
 others emphasize that youngsters can learn
such
Linking Words
 things from the academy. I believe that academic institutions can develop an individual's personality effectively. Apparently, some communities argue that parents are responsible for shaping well behaviour of their toddlers because they believe that the mother and father are always the first teachers of their folks, as they can teach basic decency, including table manners, dressing sense and how to be a good listener.
This
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
fundamental dignity is often needed in an individual before they start their academic career.
For example
Linking Words
, it has been shown that people who learn about better behaviour from their parents are more likely to respect adults and teachers. On the other side, I believe that the institute is a better place where students can learn about respectful attitudes. Chiefly, scholars who go to school often build strong bonds with other students,
this
Linking Words
 friendship encourages respectful communication
as well as
Linking Words
 sharing and caring for each other.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many schools teachers involve their scholars in group activities and faculty test individuals' communication skills so they know how to be good people believe that
this
Linking Words
 is the best method to teach these manners to juveniles. In conclusion, some people believe that youngsters need to learn the primary duties from their parents.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that they can learn it by practising in the academy more effectively by interacting with their friends.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand the introduction to clearly present the issue and your opinion. Consider rephrasing to provide a more engaging start.
coherence
Work on linking ideas more effectively to improve the flow of arguments, using transition words and phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
content
You have presented a balanced view of both perspectives, which is essential in a discussion essay.
content
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well and reinforces your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: