Many people believe that the overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the present day, refined
sugar
plays an integral role in many edible products. Many people suggest that the overconsumption of refined sugar
leads to potential downsides similar to alcohol and tobacco and should be seriously regulated. I strongly agree with this
notion. In the following paragraphs, these negative impacts will be discussed before a conclusion is reached.
To begin
with, there are many significant negative consequences associated with refined sugar
. One of the most serious effects is weight gain, starting from the constant intake of large amounts of sugar
, leading to obesity. Many studies have found that obesity has a significant link with other health
issues such
as hypertension, chronic kidney disease, osteoarthritis, and dyslipidemia. Additionally
, diabetes is another major concern, as it causes many complications, including diabetic foot, which can consequently
lead to amputation and high medical expenses for insulin and annual checkup programs. Moreover
, sweet addiction has a significant negative impact on most children and adolescents, leading to dental caries and unhealthy behaviors
in the future. Change the spelling
behaviours
Due to
multiple health
problems
, most people may have a shorter lifespan. Therefore
, refined sugar
can be considered even more dangerous than alcohol and tobacco.
However
, if strict regulation on refined sugar
is implemented, it could have some drawbacks. For example
, many food and beverage companies such
as Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Nutella, and some brand-name chocolates will be negatively affected, leading to a decrease in productivity and an increase in unemployment, causing global financial problems
.
In conclusion, while
refined sugar
brings various health
problems
such
as obesity, diabetes, dental caries, and unhealthy behaviors
, regulating refined Change the spelling
behaviours
sugar
in many products could cause economic problems
. However
, the negative effects on people's health
far outweigh these economic issues if the government carefully manages them.Submitted by sippakorn.wet on
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task response
Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay. You provide a reasonable thesis statement that previews what your essay will cover.
task response
While you have provided strong examples and explanations, consider discussing potential counterarguments to present a more balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured and each paragraph flows well into the next. However, try using a wider variety of cohesive devices to link your ideas for even smoother transitions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each main point is equally balanced. In the last paragraph, more attention was given to the drawbacks of regulation which slightly overshadowed the arguments against overconsumption.
task response
You effectively introduce the topic and outline your stand on the regulation of refined sugar, which immediately clarifies the essay's focus.
task response
You provide detailed and well-reasoned arguments, particularly when discussing the health impacts of refined sugar, which strongly support your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph logically supports the main argument, ensuring cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reinforces your stance, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your position.