IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think we need to give aid to all poor countries. Others, however, argue that we should not give international aid to countries with corruption in their system. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion.

#people #aid #countries #corruption #system
It has been argued by some, that developed
countries
 should give a hand to all developing
countries
, who need help and financial support.
On the contrary
, others reject the concept of helping
countries
 which are suffering from a corrupted system.
This
 essay will present my personal opinion regarding both points of view. Commence with the first opinion, which opines that developed nations should give a hand to whoever needs it, regardless of any internal corruption.
In other words
, they indicate that it is a must because it reflects the values and the culture of their people and shows the human side in every single individual towards poor
countries
.
For example
, Africa is well known that it suffers a lack of resources which has led to a deteriorating situation and poverty.
Therefore
, nations and rich celebrities are keen to build shelters
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and establish schools and hospitals to tackle the detrimental effects on people. On the other side, others argue that international support could be stolen rather than given to those who are in need of
this
 money or the offered aid.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I partially agree with
such
 an opinion,
this
 prevention
consequently
 could make the situation worse. In the sense that,
this
 action of preventing the political system, involved in corruption works, would not lead to an effective solution,
instead
,
this
 would definitely increase the suffering of poor individuals.
To sum up
, the aforementioned paragraphs have clearly shown both perspectives. Anyway, I consider conditional aid could be the optimal solution.
in other words
, Any country that offers aid should send its own experts to control the humanitarian work it gives.
Submitted by nawartomry on

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task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, but some points can be clearer and better supported with specific examples. To enhance Task Achievement, try to provide more concrete examples and expand on your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on maintaining logical flow. Each paragraph should follow a clear line of reasoning, and transitions should be smoother. For instance, transitioning between contrasting ideas can be improved.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the debate and presents the writer's intent to discuss both points of view.
logical structure
The essays include well-defined paragraphs that make it visually easy to follow. The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and provides a clear personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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