In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this

#countries #proportion #acts #teenagers

In recent times, research has indicated a concerning rise in criminal

activities

among

teenagers

compared to other demographics. In

this

essay, I will delve into the underlying reasons for

this

trend before proposing comprehensive solutions to mitigate its impact.

Teenagers

are increasingly drawn to criminal

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

due to

various factors. One significant influence is the proliferation of violent content in online video games. Exposure to

such

virtual scenarios can cultivate aggressive tendencies, making them more susceptible to engaging in illegal

activities

Additionally

, a lack of parental guidance exacerbates the issue. As parents are often occupied with work, they may inadvertently neglect

providing

Change the verb form

to provide

show examples

adequate supervision and moral education to their children, leading them to seek validation in negative environments. To address these challenges, multifaceted solutions are imperative.

Firstly

, fostering real-life

activities

for

teenagers

is crucial. Engaging in

such

activities

helps build a well-rounded personality and encourages social interaction, diverting them from potential criminal influences.

Furthermore

, parents must invest quality time in their children's lives, not only offering educational guidance but

also

instilling values that deter criminal

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

Finally

teenagers

themselves need to be proactive in raising awareness about the consequences of engaging in illegal

activities

, empowering them to make informed decisions. In conclusion, the rise in criminal

activities

among

teenagers

is a pressing issue that demands attention.

However

, by promoting real-life engagement, enhancing parental involvement, and encouraging self-awareness, we can collectively steer young individuals away from the path of criminality.

This

holistic approach holds the potential to effectively address and alleviate the current trend.

Submitted by lamdactuanga on Fri Dec 01 2023

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Task Achievement

Make sure to provide specific examples that clearly support your main points. For instance, when discussing the impact of violent video games or parental neglect, you might include statistics or case studies that demonstrate the direct link to increased teenage criminal behavior.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to enhance coherence, ensure smoother transitions between ideas and provide clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the task question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this

Fully explain your ideas

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measure do you think might be effective?

After being punished, many criminals continue to commit crimes. Why do some people commit crimes even after having been punished? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people belive that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies . Others claim , that men are just as good as women at parenting