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Writing Samples
Band 7

Noadays, it is not surprising that issue of the child education has attracted many heated debates due to its impact on the whole society. In this essay, I will discuss the significant causes relating to this topic, and try to suggest some possible important solution to overcome this painful problem.

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Over recent decades, many people have been thinking about the progress of their
children
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 in the future. In
this
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 way,
parents
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 face many problems and I will explain the troubles and
also
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 the solutions.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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' awareness and the educational system are the major causes in our country. it has been common that people, who have
children
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, are worried about the institute where they are going to study. All of the
parents
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 would like to see the progress of their
children
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 in the highest level of studies and the best
universities
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 as well. So their
children
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 are attended extra hours for private classes.
As a result
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, juveniles will have no free time for leisure time and they turn into nervous people in society. The second reason
,
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apply
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 is the educational system in the country in order to have not enough seats in the
universities
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 they must compete with the same ages. Meanwhile, those
children
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, who do not gain the necessary grade, will omitte from the society.
According to
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 the causes, in my opinion, raising
parents
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' awareness and creating more seats in the
universities
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 are the main keys. All educational institutes should try to aware
parents
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 and face the truth that every child has a special talent and we do not need to put pressure on them. Because they feel some bad emotions like, stress, losing motivation, and depression.
On the other hand
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, the government must create some
universities
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 or expand the existing ones. In fact, the more seats, the more students in different majors. So they will feel fulfilled themselves. In conclusion, as I have mentioned
parents
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' awareness and the educational system are two decisive factors that will be able to assist with the problems.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and identifies significant causes and potential solutions for the issue of child education. However, some points could be more comprehensively developed. Try to provide more relevant specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. For example, your first body paragraph discusses both parents' concerns and the educational system. It might be clearer to separate these into distinct paragraphs.
introduction and conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
logical structure
You have identified key causes and suggested solutions logically, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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