Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is a notion that
sports
,which are considered dangerous,should be prohibited.I completely disagree with
this
view,as it damages tourism in some regions and violates the
rights
of sportsmen. Banning extreme
sports
can seriously damage particular regions where businesses rely on providing opportunities for these activities.
For example
,bungee jumping and skiing,types of adrenaline
sports
, usually take place in mountainous areas,where there is a significant population residing with only
this
type of income.
Moreover
,these
sports
create a sense of identity and community for
people
living in remote areas.
However
,enacting prohibition for holding events related to extreme
sports
will lead to mass unemployment and movement to cities in search of new jobs.
While
I concede that it might be dangerous for the lives of citizens to participate in extreme
sports
,I believe it is an obvious act of violation of human
rights
.The right to choose how we spend our leisure time,even if it involves risk,is necessary for a free society.
People
should be able to choose and follow their interests without any interference from the government.
Instead
,the authority should take responsibility for ensuring the quality of equipment and encourage
people
to follow the safety rules.These acts from the government will make its citizens more informed about the dangers of
sports
and can lead to rational decisions without any violations of
rights
.
To conclude
,I believe that the approach of prohibiting participation in extreme
sports
would not only harm local economies and businesses but
also
violate individual's
rights
to choose.
Instead
of banning,the government should focus on ensuring the safety and awareness of its
people
rank it as in IELTS
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. Linking words and phrases could be varied to improve the flow of the text.
coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
There is a clear logical progression from one idea to the next, enhancing readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and summarize the argument effectively.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
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