IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

G. In many countries, the government prioritizes economic growth over all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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In many
countries
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,
governments
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 prioritize economic
growth
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 rather than all other concerns. The advantage of doing so is that people’s average income increases as the economy grows. To promote
further
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 economic
growth
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,
governments
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 are likely to fund scientific research and education, leading to the maturity of society and making their
countries
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 more competitive,
while
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 the main disadvantages are environmental problems, global warming, and
pollution
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 because of
further
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 deforestation and industrial waste. On the one hand, there are some advantages in
governments
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 that place the most importance on economic
growth
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: an increase in wages and maturity of society
as a consequence
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 of economic
growth
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,
that is
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, to succeed in the economy,
governments
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 should promote good education and achievements in scientific research, and
this
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 makes good circulation and leads to the maturity of society.
For instance
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, after
World
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 War 2, Japan prioritized economic
growth
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 and education.
This
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 has created many successful companies,
while
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 scientific technologies have advanced significantly, making Japan one of the richest
countries
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 in the
world
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, which has promoted people’s lifestyles more comfortable with higher incomes than ever before.
However
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, there are some disadvantages for
countries
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 with economic success,
such
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 as global warming and
pollution
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. More
countries
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 become rich, more places are industrialized and deforestated, and
this
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 creates more carbon dioxide and more
pollution
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 problems all around the
world
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.
For example
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, the United States and China are the largest contributors to global warming and
pollution
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 because of less green and accumulating industrial waste, both of which comprise most factories and people worldwide. In conclusion,
while
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 in many
countries
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,
governments
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 prioritize economic
growth
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 over all other concerns to pursue the advantages; making their own
countries
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 rich and competitive, there are some disadvantages in the environmental issues
as a consequence
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 of deforestation and industrial waste in the
world
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.

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coherence
The essay provides a well-balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of prioritizing economic growth. However, it can further benefit from clearer topic sentences at the start of paragraphs to enhance readability and flow.
coherence
There is a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction could offer a more engaging opening statement to capture the reader's attention
task achievement
While the essay is generally clear, it occasionally lacks depth of analysis. For a higher score, further explanation and elaboration of points would be beneficial.
task achievement
The essay addresses all aspects of the question, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of prioritizing economic growth
task achievement
Use of specific examples, such as the reference to Japan after World War 2, effectively supports the main points of the essay.
coherence
There is a logical structure present with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both pros and cons, and a conclusion.
coherence
Ideas flow well from one to the next, which enhances the readability of the essay

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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