IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The modern world has brought a lot of
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effects regarding the wellness of the environment on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 endangered species of flora and fauna
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 opine for other
problems
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
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both the topics and
also
Linking Words
 provide my view with a suitable conclusion.
Firstly
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 it is true that
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cutting down
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trees for miscellaneous purposes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 definitely destroyed the habitat of wildlife. Deforestation is another main bad
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
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.
Hence
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, the animals which were found in large numbers have become scarce like red pandas and some are already extinct like western black rhinoceros.
This
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 has
jeopardise
Change the verb form
jeopardised
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 the balance in the food chain
as well as
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 the environment.
For instance
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, deforestation has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to various other
problems
Use synonyms
 like landslides, climate change, soil erosion , desertification , increased
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
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 gases and so on. There are various other issues too that some
people
Use synonyms
 consider important
such
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 as global warming.
This
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 is a serious matter these days
due to
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 the increasing
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population on earth and their activities
such
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 as industrialisation, urbanisation and cutting down of trees as well. As per the BBC News, the summer days are getting hotter and hotter and even the winter days are not as cold as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 used to be and
people
Use synonyms
 are worried about the future and their livelihood. In my opinion, though the
people
Use synonyms
 are showing their views on two different topics, they are either directly or indirectly related to one another.
For instance
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,
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of plants will bring drought and
this
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 will result in either deforestation or climate change which will eventually result in global warming or air pollution.
Therefore
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, all the
problems
Use synonyms
 need to be addressed equally and the government should take quick and
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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effective actions
such
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 as
conservation
Correct article usage
the conservation
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 of plants,
animals
Correct word choice
and animals
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 and
control
Correct article usage
the control
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 of pollution. To summarise,
problems
Use synonyms
 may vary from person to person.
Therefore
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, regardless of what is crucial to them, it would be wise to consider them all as a threat to balance
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
biodiversity and stop haphazard human activities.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic and provides your own opinion, which is a good start. However, your ideas need to be more clearly defined and developed to create a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is generally well-organized, there are a few areas where the logical flow could be improved. Try to make sure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before and that your introduction and conclusion clearly encapsulate your main points.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples and elaborating on your points further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present the main points of your essay. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
You have successfully identified and discussed both views on the topic, and provided your own opinion. This is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of examples like deforestation and its consequences helps to support your ideas and make your argument more convincing.
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