Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The modern world has brought a lot of
negetive
effects regarding the wellness of the environment on Correct your spelling
negative
earth
. Some Capitalize word
Earth
people
argue that it is the
endangered species of flora and fauna Correct article usage
an
while
other
opine for other Fix the agreement mistake
others
problems
. This
essay will discuss on
both the topics and Change preposition
apply
also
provide my view with a suitable conclusion.
Firstly
it is true that with
cutting down Change preposition
apply
of
trees for miscellaneous purposes Change preposition
apply
have
definitely destroyed the habitat of wildlife. Deforestation is another main bad Correct subject-verb agreement
has
consequences
. Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
Hence
, the animals which were found in large numbers have become scarce like red pandas and some are already extinct like western black rhinoceros. This
has jeopardise
the balance in the food chain Change the verb form
jeopardised
as well as
the environment. For instance
, deforestation has lead
to various other Wrong verb form
led
problems
like landslides, climate change, soil erosion , desertification , increased green house
gases and so on.
There are various other issues too that some Correct your spelling
greenhouse
people
consider important such
as global warming. This
is a serious matter these days due to
the increasing number of
population on earth and their activities Correct quantifier usage
apply
such
as industrialisation, urbanisation and cutting down of trees as well. As per the BBC News, the summer days are getting hotter and hotter and even the winter days are not as cold as it
used to be and Correct pronoun usage
they
people
are worried about the future and their livelihood.
In my opinion, though the people
are showing their views on two different topics, they are either directly or indirectly related to one another. For instance
, loss
of plants will bring drought and Correct article usage
the loss
this
will result in either deforestation or climate change which will eventually result in global warming or air pollution. Therefore
, all the problems
need to be addressed equally and the government should take quick and an
effective actions Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
such
as conservation
of plants, Correct article usage
the conservation
animals
and Correct word choice
and animals
control
of pollution.
To summarise, Correct article usage
the control
problems
may vary from person to person. Therefore
, regardless of what is crucial to them, it would be wise to consider them all as a threat to balance on
biodiversity and stop haphazard human activities.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by raialon4047 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic and provides your own opinion, which is a good start. However, your ideas need to be more clearly defined and developed to create a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is generally well-organized, there are a few areas where the logical flow could be improved. Try to make sure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before and that your introduction and conclusion clearly encapsulate your main points.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples and elaborating on your points further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present the main points of your essay. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
You have successfully identified and discussed both views on the topic, and provided your own opinion. This is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of examples like deforestation and its consequences helps to support your ideas and make your argument more convincing.