IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that adverts control what we purchased, while others think they are useful source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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It is argued that advertising plays a significant role in the ways
people
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 purchase
products
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.
However
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, others believe that adverts are the best place to
know
Verb problem
get
show examples
 more
information
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 about items.
This
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 essay will explore both sides and explain my own view on
this
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 topic. On the one hand, advert agencies have the ability to attract and to guide
people
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 to buy
products
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.
In other words
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, in order to impress their buyers, they tend to employ celebrities or sportsmen and women
such
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 as Messy and Christiano Ronaldo to promote their brands.
Consequently
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,
products
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 that are endorsed by
such
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 celebrities, would possibly influence
people
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's consumption behaviour. When one wants to buy a bottle of water, promoted by Ronaldo, he may think that it could shape his body like Ronaldo.
Therefore
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, our purchasing habit is hugely influenced by commercials or showing them on our television.
On the other hand
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, ads are beneficial since they provide detailed
information
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 about their goods.
This
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 means that individuals can easily understand about ingredients, composition, and material of
products
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 before deciding to buy them. Another positive aspect is that
people
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 may compare one company to another in terms of price.
For instance
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, parents can make comparisons of milk for their babies.
Firstly
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, they can compare the ingredients, which milk did not contain sugar or less sugar.
Secondly
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, they
also
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 can easily compare the prices between them.
Additionally
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, they can learn company's
products
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 on their website.
Therefore
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, Advertising is essential since it provides
information
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 about the product. In conclusion, advers are crucial for both influencing buyers to buy their
products
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 and giving
information
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 to their buyers. In my opinion, I completely agree that ads play a significant role for inviting
people
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 to buy and to inform
people
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 about their field,

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Grammar
Ensure that you consistently use accurate spelling and grammar to avoid small mistakes that might distract the reader. For example, it's "Messi" instead of "Messy" and "Cristiano" instead of "Christiano."
Detail Expansion
Expand your points with more specific and detailed examples. This can provide stronger support to your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your points. This will demonstrate your language proficiency and may help to make your essay more engaging.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to make the structure logical and easy to follow.
Balanced Discussion
Both sides of the argument are explored, showing that you are able to consider different viewpoints.
Focus
The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic throughout, which enhances the coherence.
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