Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Although
economic development
is thought by some to be a vital benefit for people
, other people
think that it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I consider that economic development
can bring more advantages for society compared to any problems it might bring.
Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by the employer contacting their staff all the time
. Firstly
, it improves their productivity without facing any obstacles and challenges in the way of progression. This
led to continuity in the work as employees worked on the day off while
giving suggestions and helping their employer, which enabled them to improve the company’s income. Secondly
, this
development
helps to build good relationships between workers and the company. For example
, if employers connect to the staff all the time
, workers will also
want to have a better increment and a promotion. Therefore
, having good connections is essential for some people
to be a part of their profession.
Admittedly, there are some issues involved when job people
continuously contact their staff members on holidays. One problem is that working individuals will not get enough time
with their family members, which loosens their bond with their loved ones. This
would also
lead to the reason for medical problems such
as anxiety, depression and headaches. Another negative aspect is that children need their parents’ support to develop their minds and performance. If parents do not spend time
with them and work all the time
, it will affect them negatively and hinder their development
.
In conclusion, the critical lessons that economic development
can improve living requirements and an essential for healthcare systems, are clearly outweighed by any disadvantages.Submitted by parmarheena277254 on
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task achievement
The essay needs more relevant examples to support its points. When discussing the relationship between economic development and social values, provide specific instances or case studies to illustrate your points.
task achievement
There are inconsistencies in the argument, such as the sudden switch to discussing employer-staff relationships. Focus more on how economic development affects social values, rather than unrelated topics.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct focus that ties back to the main argument. Avoid jumping between points that are not directly related to the essay’s main topic.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by clearly summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and reiterating your stance on the topic. The current conclusion is too brief and doesn't sufficiently wrap up the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay opens with a clear thesis statement, making the writer's stance on the issue immediately evident.
logical structure
There is a good attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.