IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You visited local beach and found out that there is a rubbish problem. In your letter: Describe the problem How it affects people on the beach Suggest what you want to do about them

#beach #rubbish #people
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Hello sir, I am writing
this
 letter to make you aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 the poor condition of
beach
Add an article
the beach
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. My name is Simran and yesterday I went to Wasaga
beach
Capitalize word
Beach
show examples
 with my family for
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 outing. First of all, I reached there around 11:00 am and I was shocked to see the condition of
beach
Add an article
the beach
show examples
 as the day was just started. But it really disappointed me as the ground was all messed up with empty chips bags, cans, plastic bottles etc.
However
, I felt
like
Correct word choice
that
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 if garbage bins
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 placed in more accessible
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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,
this
 whole scene
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be shifted from being ugly to beautiful.
Moreover
, some pictorial signs could help not only to educate the masses but
also
 to remind them to maintain cleanliness.
In addition
, I felt like hiring more people would help to maintain the decorum of the place. I hope you
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 pay the required attention to the matter and
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 consider my suggestions. Thank you so much for your time. Yours sincerely, Simran.
Submitted by kaur75971 on

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task achievement
Ensure consistency in using articles ('the beach' instead of 'beach'), and maintaining formal tone throughout (e.g., 'kindly consider my suggestions').
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the fluidity of the letter. For instance, starting paragraphs with words that indicate a transition (such as 'Moreover' or 'Additionally').
task achievement
You've effectively described the problem of litter on the beach and its impact on visitors, meeting the task requirements.
task achievement
Your suggestions (more accessible garbage bins, pictorial signs, hiring more staff) are practical and clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a clear structure, with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You used suitable connectors ('First of all', 'Moreover', 'In addition'), which helps in organizing the ideas.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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