IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Working long hours can cause a great deal of stress and can be very bad for health. The government must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Long hours of
work
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 are very bad for health and
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
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 point of
stress
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. The government should
work
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 on
this
Linking Words
 issue and find some way to release
stress
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.
Although
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, people should try to reduce their
stress
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 by themselves. Working will affect on person’s health when it grows from the limit, and
also
Linking Words
 lots of workers suffer from
stress
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. That’s why a lot of workers are struggling with long hours of
work
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. They believe the administration must find ways to help them. Especially, they should
work
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 on working hours and they must give a little break
while
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 they are working. By
this
Linking Words
employees
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 can relax and can get some energy to
work
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 again.
For example
Linking Words
, in China,
employees
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 step away from
work
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 for a few minutes to increase their productivity, job satisfaction, mental health and well-being
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and are
overall
Linking Words
 more engaged in their
work
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.
However
Linking Words
, the government can not help all the time, because every worker has their own way of releasing
stress
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 someone reduces his
stress
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 by going outside and another one releases it by reading books. That’s why they should come up with ways to reduce it by themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, In America,
employees
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 carry lovely things which can help them reduce
stress
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. They books, journals or antidepressants. By
this
Linking Words
, they are able to reduce easily their
stress
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 and energy to
work
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 again. In conclusion, the government must create a friendly atmosphere for
employees
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 to
work
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 better and workers should try to release their
stress
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 by themselves. By
this
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
they might achieve more productivity than before.

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introduction improvement
Strengthen your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic. This helps in establishing a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and use transitions to link ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points, as this will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
task response
You have addressed the prompt and presented ideas on both sides of the argument.
conclusion strength
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, providing a clear closing to the essay.
logical structure
The essay shows logical progression in the argument from problem to solution.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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