IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people claim that technology products have too short a lifespan and become redundant after just a few years. They say that the only way to increase product longevity is for governments to make legal requirements. To what extent do you think laws are needed to increase a technological product's life ?

#people #technology #products #lifespan #years #product #longevity #governments #requirements #laws #life
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We all can agree with the fact that globalization is indeed bringing the
people
Use synonyms
 of the world closer than ever before as more
people
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 are travelling these days.In
this
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 essay, I would like to discuss the same.
Firstly
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, only a small number of
people
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 travelled 300 years ago and most of them were either messengers of a kingdom or spiritual leaders who travelled in search of truth and knowledge.
People
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 started travelling more in the
last
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 century , especially after the discovery of aeroplanes.Previously it used to take more than 6 months to
travel
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 from India to England but now it takes only a day by means of an aeroplane.
People
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travel
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 for various reasons.Some
travel
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 to study in reputed medical universities across the world
whereas
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 others
travel
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 for better health care.
Nevertheless
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, there are many travellers who call themselves vloggers, which have sprung up recently , especially after the advent of the internet.Most of these vloggers are actually YouTubers who upload their adventurous videos which they took
while
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 travelling on their YouTube account.
As a result
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, they earn enough money to
travel
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 throughout their lifespan and
also
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 save some amount for their future.
Subsequently
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, by travelling we get to come across various cultures and food habits of
people
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 all around the world.
In addition
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 to that, we get to witness the beautiful nature which God has created
thus
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 getting mesmerised by his creation.
This
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 will be cherished as a wonderful experience when we think about it during our old age when we won't be able to
travel
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further
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.
Hence
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 I would like
to conclude
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 that there are more benefits to travelling more often.
Submitted by pauljoshisurendar on

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task achievement
Try to provide a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your arguments by connecting ideas more seamlessly. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Good job on providing a comprehensive overview of the reasons people travel and the impact of globalization on travel.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a structured approach.
task achievement
Your examples about the messengers and spiritual leaders, and modern vlogger-travelers, make the essay engaging and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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