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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?

#children #encouragement #parents #performance #school #pressure #impact #child #role #parent #education
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It is widely believed that parental
encouragement
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 of
children
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's performance can
result
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 in positive reinforcement.
Likewise
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, zero
encouragement
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 or extreme parental stress might
result
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 in reduced school performance.
This
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 essay will look at both sides of the scenario to reach an effective conclusion.
Firstly
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, there have been many studies on how positive
encouragement
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 can
result
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 in increased performance by
children
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.
Secondly
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, any criticism from parents should always be constructive rather than destructive.
For example
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,
children
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 can be rewarded for high performances, whether it
may
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apply
show examples
be academic or sporting success.
This
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 positive feedback will ensure sustained effort by the child to maintain or improve in these respective fields.
Conversely
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, zero
encouragement
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 or extremely destructive criticism will
result
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 in negative feedback. The child may lose interest in their academic pursuit.
This
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 can
result
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 in severe mental trauma, lack of interest and severe burnout.
Additionally
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, there have been reports of
children
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 suffering from anxiety
as a
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result
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 of increased parental pressure. These mental issues sustained at an early age may even persist into adulthood.
Furthermore
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, Traumatised individuals require ongoing
psychologist
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psychological
show examples
 support to overcome these childhood issues. As with all problems, a balanced approach is probably the best solution. Positive
encouragement
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 is essential for
children
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,
however
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, too little or too much can
result
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 in negative outcomes. Schools can arrange parent-teacher meetings where doctors can be invited to take classes on the importance of good parenting.
To conclude
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, I am of the opinion that parents should exercise moderation and strive for the middle ground in
this
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 scenario.
Submitted by naveengeorge95 on

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task response
Your essay has a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. However, try to elaborate more on the reasons why some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school. Providing specific examples and citing studies can strengthen your argument.
task response
Ensure that your main points are fully supported to strengthen your argument. While you have introduced the idea of positive and negative reinforcement, more detailed explanations and specific examples would make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using repetitive phrases such as "Conversely, zero encouragement or extremely destructive criticism will…". Diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures can enhance the overall fluency of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction succinctly outlines the issues surrounding parental encouragement and pressure, leading the reader into the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with paragraphs divided into clear sections addressing different aspects of the issue.
task response
Your balanced conclusion effectively summarizes the essay’s main points and suggests a reasonable solution.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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