Topic – Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers, while others believe that students’ attitude are important. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some men and women think that educational success is related to good educators who have important responsibilities in teaching
students
, whilst others think that
students
' desires for learning are more fundamental. I agree with the second group because I believe that someone who doesn't have a chance to have a proper teacher can
also
make great achievements.
Firstly
,
teachers
have very important responsibilities for their
students
because they choose to educate people. They should not only teach them but
also
they should improve themselves day by day because there are always new developments in the world.
Therefore
, they should keep up with these changes to catch the current improvements.
However
, they need to be paid properly unless people want them to quit their occupations.
For example
, lots of good
teachers
prefer to work in private
schools
which are more expensive than public
schools
because they believe that they can earn more money to survive.
Also
, private
schools
can afford good
teachers
because parents give money to them for the best educators. Because of that, with more salaries, they desire to be better in their professions.
Hence
, the
students
can be more successful in their classes when they have better sources to learn.
On the other hand
, there are many successful
students
who don't have the opportunity to afford a private school because of poverty. In
this
situation, they have to go to the public
schools
which include lower qualified
teachers
than the private ones.
However
, those children can still achieve their goals if they have enough ambitions and desires to study.
For example
, it can be seen that there are lots of great children who can go to very famous colleges after finishing public
schools
, especially in developing countries. Even if they don't have the right opportunities, they can be able to succeed in their school life with hard work. In conclusion, there are two different approaches to educational success. Some individuals believe that a good teacher is more important to success whilst others believe that succession is related to the attitudes of the
students
. In my opinion, individuals who want to achieve their goals,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can do it by working hard.
Submitted by bloodylady on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using linking words and phrases can help with this.
task achievement
Provide more varied and detailed examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofreading can help catch these issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded discussion of both views and offering your own opinion.
task achievement
The main points in the essay are supported with relevant examples, which help to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Your response is complete and covers the task requirements, discussing both views and giving your opinion.
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