Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

From the past to the present, mental and physical

strength

Use synonyms

, are

both

Use synonyms

two important factors for being successful.

Moreover

Linking Words

, many people, especially

athletes

Use synonyms

, invest a lot of time, trying to strengthen these two. There are two different points of view about succeeding in sports, in which one of them is to spend more time exercising and improving physical measures, and the other consists of more activities for upgrading mental issues. In

this

Linking Words

essay,

both

Use synonyms

points of view about mental and physical methods are being discussed, and

both

Use synonyms

related examples are going to be mentioned.

Firstly

Linking Words

, lots of people believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the more time the

athletes

Use synonyms

or sports teams spend on upgrading their physical stability, the more successful they become.

For instance

Linking Words

, taking a quick look at Cristiano Ronaldo's life and noticing his awards and honours, it is obvious that his hard work and his limitless practice for body

strength

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

played an important role in his journey.

However

Linking Words

, there are many decent athlete or

team

Fix the agreement mistake

teams

show examples

beyond

Correct word choice

but beyond

show examples

their hard work, they do not gain

honours

Correct article usage

the honours

show examples

they deserve.

Overal

Correct your spelling

Overall

show examples

, there are several examples which are showing us the effect of physical improvement for

athletes

Use synonyms

on their

success

Use synonyms

On the contrary

Linking Words

, many people, think that mental

strength

Use synonyms

is enough for

success

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, Lionel Messi, the biggest football player in the world, beyond his struggle for physical improvement, had

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

very strong mental behaviour.

Additionally

Linking Words

, without mental

strength

Use synonyms

, not only he could not achieve most of his trophies, but

also

Linking Words

would not

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

be the most honoured player worldwide. In brief, mental

strength

Use synonyms

can

also

Linking Words

affect the path of

success

Use synonyms

for different players and teams.

Finally

Linking Words

, in my point of view, there should be a balance between

both

Use synonyms

issues. Likely, if there is no mental power, even the

most

Change the adjective

apply

show examples

strongest player will lose his or her mind,

also

Linking Words

, without physical power, there would not be any

success

Use synonyms

for

athletes

Use synonyms

Accordingly

Linking Words

, an optimum value for

both

Use synonyms

of them should be obeyed, so it will result in

success

Use synonyms

for them.

Linking Words

Capitalize word

show examples

sum up,

both

Use synonyms

theories that have been discussed are important and paying attention to just one of them can lead

athletes

Use synonyms

to lose their professional life.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, they should plan for a balanced lifestyle and practice, which is considering

both

Use synonyms

sides. An optimum decision can lead them to

success

Use synonyms

ali.r.mirkazemiSat Mar 22 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion

Work on developing clearer topic sentences and maintaining a logical flow between paragraphs. Each paragraph should clearly support your thesis statement.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. The examples given could be more detailed in how they relate to your argument.

task achievement

You successfully introduce the topic and present contrasting viewpoints, which is a good way to engage the reader.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument for balance in mental and physical strength, demonstrating a thoughtful perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

384 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?
Nowadays, as female power increases, lots of people believe that males and females have the same power including family rights, social status and career opportunities. As a result, it is generally claimed that women should be able to do any job if they want. However, others also believe that some jobs can not be done by females, such as heavy jobs. I personally agree with the idea that men and women are equal therefore they should be able to choose suitable jobs for themselves.
8
band
Some people say that it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, some argue that working for a large company is better than working for a small one. While individual preferences play a significant role in this decision, there are compelling reasons to consider employment with a larger organization. I believe that being employed by a large community offers significant advantages. In this essay, I will explain this issue.
6.5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In today's world, it is expected that parents sometimes tell their children that only if they work hard and are hardworking, they might achieve anything. Saying such a statement to children has positive and negative sides.
6.5
band
Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?
One of the greatest inventions of the modern era is the television. People spend a lot of time watching TV, and spending their leisure time watching it, may affect their relations with others. It is often believed by a few people that there are a lot of benefits from TV's. However, In my opinion, too much exposure to screens may have a lot of disadvantages. In this essay, we discuss how monitors are dominating people's time consumption and how this affects their relations with others.
6.5
band
You are due to start new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter: • Explain your situation • Describe your problems • Tell him or her when you think you can start.
I am writing to request a postponement of my first working day in your design team.

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

Your opinion

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

Some people say that it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do you agree or disagree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

You are due to start new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter: • Explain your situation • Describe your problems • Tell him or her when you think you can start.