IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause?What are the solutions?

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There is an increasing number of
elders
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, trying to rival youths for the same occupations which brings up a lot of
issues
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.
For instance
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, the former group may have difficulties dealing with
technology
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 at
work
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as well as
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 the employer's concerns about their health
issues
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 and productivity.
This
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 essay will discuss both
issues
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 and will suggest solutions.
While
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 many youngsters are dealing with unemployment and having stiff competition to get hired for a specific job,
elders
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 might interfere to steal the chance from them and make
this
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 even more competitive than before.
Nevertheless
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, as the working force of today must adapt themselves to
technology
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, older should learn how to use a computer
for instance
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 if they intend to be employed. There is research claiming that most of the older generation are technophobes in nature and cannot deal with difficulties regarding the use of advanced technologies at the workplace
such
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 as working with a specific software related to office
work
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,
Moreover
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, the
time
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 with which they can
work
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 efficiently is probably less than younger individuals
due to
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 their either health
issues
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 or their age. A prime example of that might be the
time
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 a young employee of a bank could allocate to
work
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 productively but the older one might not be able to deal with a huge amount of customers in a long
time
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.
Nonetheless
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, creating a learning environment at
work
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 for all age groups, especially how to
work
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 with specific means of
technology
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such
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 as computers, fax machines, and printers could be beneficial to both generations.
This
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 not only connects these people to each other but it
also
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 fosters youths to use the
elders
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' experience.
In addition
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, for the productivity issue, employers can arrange flexible working hours for the older individuals, giving them some
time
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 to take longer breaks compared with the younger ones to increase their efficiency. Research in 2010 in a paper factory in Iran revealed that their older employees worked about 20 per cent more efficiently than their younger colleagues if they were given longer rest, as they were more experienced and could
work
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 faster. In conclusion, there is an increasing demand for
elders
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 to
work
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 again,
although
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 they might encounter challenges of productivity
as well as
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technology
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. despite all these problems, a warm learning environment and a
time
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 to give a break to
this
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 generation might be a good solution to
this
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 issue and may one day bring all age groups together again.

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task achievement
Your response addresses the task and discusses both problems and solutions thoroughly. However, try to make sure your arguments are more consistently balanced throughout the paragraphs to improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Try to ensure that each paragraph contributes equally to the argument and is logically connected to avoid any potential repetition or gaps.
task achievement
Your essay thoroughly covers both issues and solutions, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your main points.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, enhancing the clarity and expressiveness of your ideas.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Adaptability
  • Hiring practices
  • Workforce diversity
  • Upskilling
  • Lifelong learning
  • Flexible working arrangements
  • Ageism
  • Technological proficiency
  • Productivity concerns
  • Diverse skillsets
  • Legislative protection
  • Employment equity
  • Biases
What to do next:
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