IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Popular events like the Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree?

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It is often believed that international sports events
such
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 as the Football World Cup play a significant role in encouraging global peace and love for a home country without causing any damage. I partially agree with
this
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, for people are more likely to respect foreign
players
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 regardless of the fact that they sometimes create a sense of antagonism against them. On the one hand, international sports events are essential in establishing a peaceful relationship across borders as they are encouraged to respect one another.
In other words
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, global contests are valuable opportunities for
players
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 to learn the sophisticated skills of foreign athletes
as well as
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 admire their unique talents to have a positive view toward them.
For instance
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, Kubota, a Japanese professional basketball player, made a comment praising the advanced techniques of defence of a Korean team, which eased tension between the two countries, promoting a peaceful relationship.
Thus
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, international contests allow them to understand their achievements and have honest communication in spite of their differences in nationalities.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 international festivals
also
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 have a negative effect on their bonds since they can create harsh criticisms
due to
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 a rising sense of rivalry. Indeed, people are more likely to blame foreign
players
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 for their unfair plays.
For instance
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, many Japanese athletes in Judo were suspicious about the performance of French
players
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, some of which should be strictly forbidden in the Olympic games held in 2024.
This
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 can deteriorate their relationships since they are regarded as violent and offensive. In conclusion, I somewhat support that global sports games are crucial in deepening their understanding and respecting international athletes for their advanced skills.
However
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, they can cause a sense of hatred and doubt when they do not seem to adhere to international rules and demonstrate fairness.

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coherence cohesion
To increase the logical flow of the essay, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. For instance, use more transitional phrases to connect ideas cohesively.
task achievement
The main points should be more thoroughly developed and clearly supported with well-explained examples. This would strengthen the overall argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to reinforce your points, which will add depth to your essay and showcase a clear understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion were well-presented and encapsulated the main idea accurately.
complete response
The essay demonstrated a good attempt at addressing various perspectives of the topic, which adds value to your argument.
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