In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and theri levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Nowadays,
people
's health
problems have been one of the major issues in many parts of the world. This
essay will discuss the causes of this
phenomenon and suggest solutions to tackle this
problem.
On the one hand, there are some significant reasons for this
issue. As society has been rapidly advancing, people
's lifestyles are changing as well. In general, the sedentary work style is becoming common for most citizens and convenient foods
, junk foods
, and microwave meals are becoming ubiquitous parts of modern life. For instance
, a great number of workers tend to eat fast foods
rather than healthy foods
because these foods
not only have reasonable prices or convenience,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
have good taste qualities. Despite people
already knowing the way to live healthy lifestyles, they do not have many options due to
a lack of time.
Nevertheless
, there are some practical suggestions to mitigate this
phenomenon. To begin
with, citizens have a crucial responsibility for their own health
. In other words
, individuals should consider their diet and bad habits because it is connected to their health
directly. For illustrate, If people
would make several efforts such
as doing exercise
regularly, replacing organic Wrong verb form
exercising
foods
, and checking their own physical levels frequently, these small changes might improve people's
Change noun form
their
health
levels. Additionally
, the government have a duty to ensure public health
care. For
this
reason, the government would implement a variety of campaigns to encourage citizens's healthcare services. For example
, providing fitness services fare can help people
to make some good habits in their lives.
In conclusion, it is a serious concern in modern society. Hence
, both individuals and the government should play their part in making efforts in order to address this
serious problem.Nowadays, people
's health
problems have been one of the major issues in many parts of the world. This
essay will discuss the causes of this
phenomenon and suggest solutions to tackle this
problem.Submitted by kimjy3329 on
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task achievement
The points in the essay are clear and relevant, but could benefit from deeper development and additional examples. Try to elaborate more on each supporting point by providing more specific details or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by making smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. The use of connecting phrases can help to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
language
Review and correct minor grammatical errors to improve clarity and readability. For example, 'For illustrate' should be 'For instance' or 'To illustrate.'
language
Try to vary the sentence structures and use a broader range of vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the causes and solutions of the problem, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the task.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the preference for fast food due to convenience and taste, strengthens the arguments presented.
Your opinion
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