IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environment responsibility While others believe that tourists should not accept any responsiblity at all. To what Extend do you agree or disagree.

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There is an argument that travellers need to behave well socially
as well as
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 maintain environmental quality.
Whereas
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, others argue that there is no burden to be received by them. I personally agree with the notion that societal and ecological duties need to be considered by tourists.
Firstly
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,
visitors
Use synonyms
 should respect locals' traditions when they visit a tourist destination. Before visiting new places,
visitors
Use synonyms
 need to do research more about the country they are willing to come to in order to follow the regulations.
For example
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, in Bali, there is a prohibition to not touch sacred trees. By doing prior research, vacationers will be more careful and more understanding of the culture.
Thus
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, it leads respectful relationship between locals and tourists.
Secondly
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, vacationers need to have eco-friendly behaviour by keeping the places they visit clean. As
visitors
Use synonyms
 may produce waste from the food they eat during trips, it is an unwritten rule to keep their garbage if there is no trashcan nearby.
In addition
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, it
is strongly prohibit
Change the verb form
is strongly prohibited
show examples
 to throw away garbage just about anywhere.
Moreover
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, some places
also
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 have a rule to avoid single-use plastic. In Jakarta,
for instance
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,
visitors
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 need to bring their own shopping bags in order to reduce plastic shopping bag use.
Hence
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,
while
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 travellers adopt environmentally responsible behaviour, they
also
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 support local government regulations. In conclusion, I strongly believe that vacationers are in charge of social and environmental commitment as it is not solely beneficial for the sustainability of tourist sites but
also
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 an approach to creating a deferential vibe for all related stakeholders.

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task achievement
Consider developing your points in more depth. For example, while you clearly explain why visitors should respect local traditions and maintain eco-friendly behaviour, adding more examples or counterarguments could strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Using a wider range of cohesive devices can help to link your ideas more effectively.
general
Few grammatical errors were noted and overall, your language use is strong. However, watch out for minor errors to ensure they do not affect the clarity of your message.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You use relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which helps to convey your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument and providing your opinion.
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