Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or a negative delvelopment ?
Today's
world, technology has become Change preposition
In today's
integral
part of our lives and Change the article
an integral
people's
can Change noun form
people
life
without it. The Replace the word
live
reacher
seen that Correct your spelling
researcher has
alots
of kids Correct your spelling
a lot
Add a missing verb
have illness
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
as a result
addiction
Change preposition
of addiction
on
their Change preposition
to
smartphones
. In my opinion the negative overweight
the positive. In Correct your spelling
outweighs
this
essay
I will explain why the drawbacks Add a comma
essay,
more
Add a missing verb
are more
Change preposition
than then
then
benefits.
First of all, technology Correct your spelling
the
have
impacted Change the verb form
has
in
our lives Change preposition
apply
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
smartphones
. Occasionally, our children
unfortunately addicted on
Change preposition
to
smartphones
as a result
a lot of children
wearing
glasses Wrong verb form
wear
in small
age and Correct word choice
at a young
smartphones
destroyed
their health mentally and physically. Wrong verb form
destroy
For example
, the researchers seen
in Add a missing verb
have seen
this
generation their health has declined . For that reason
doctors advised parents not Add a comma
reason,
allow
Fix the infinitive
to allow
children
to use smartphones
under two years because it destroyed their minds and brains.
Secondary, Even though a straightforward from smartphones
disadvantages but also
their
are a lot of benefits from Replace the word
there
this
device . The advantages from
phones if they Change preposition
of
used
Wrong verb form
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
in
Change preposition
for
limited
time and with monitors from their parents Correct article usage
a limited
.
Correct your spelling
For
for instance
, if children
used
a good program and Wrong verb form
use
played
a good game which Wrong verb form
play
developed
their skills and creativity they Wrong verb form
develops
could
learn from that game how to solve problems and they will gain more experience and knowledge about the world.
In conclusion, Despite there are Wrong verb form
can
drewbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
about
Change preposition
to
smartphones
also
there are benefits. In my opinion
parents should monitor their kids and teach them how to use technology devices in good ways.Add a comma
opinion,
Submitted by a.almakmari93 on
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task achievement
Improve grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are awkward, e.g., "the reacher seen that alots of kids..."
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main points, e.g., "This essay will explore the various reasons for this trend and discuss why the negative impacts outweigh the positive ones."
task achievement
Provide more specific examples. For instance, when mentioning educational apps, name particular apps and describe their impact.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas, e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore," "On the other hand,"
task achievement
The essay topic is fully addressed, discussing both reasons for smartphone use and the positive and negative aspects.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a conclusion that summarizes the points made, reinforcing the final opinion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite