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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays the population of young people is more than old people in the countries and it benefit us. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#population #people #countries #benefit
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Today, many countries have young populations, presenting specific challenges for lawmakers and educators on issues
such
 as education quality, unemployment control, and youth crimes.
Nevertheless
, I agree with the opinion that
such
 a phenomenon is beneficial to society as a whole because of the energy, creativity, and valuable perspectives that young generations bring with them. A young country has an advantage in terms of workforce, for it can attract more businesses both locally and globally. Young
people
 are known for their adaptability and creativity, especially when immersed in the fast-growing and innovative environment of the private sector.
For instance
, Vietnam is famous for its young population;
hence
, it has become a popular choice for both big companies and small entrepreneurship ventures.
As a result
, Vietnam has become one of the fastest-growing economies in the world in the past two decades.
While
 young minds play key roles in the private sector, they are even more in demand in the public sector if we want to build a society that serves its citizens properly. Let's have a look at the United States for an example. It has been twelve years since
this
 country had a president under 60 years old to lead their
people
. When it comes to balancing different voters' needs, Barack Obama, a 44-year-old politician at the time of the election, can handle them effectively.
That is
 not to say that politicians need to be young, but it is that there should be more candidates from both age groups - the young and the older. Meanwhile, countries like Sweden and Canada have young political leaders to take care of their
people
, resulting in higher happiness scores
overall
. In conclusion, countries with younger populations enjoy a vibrant workforce that has divergent ways of running the companies
as well as
 the government legislations. Young
people
 not only contribute to the economic growth of their nations but
also
 bring valuable ideas to keep that growth sustainable.
Submitted by phamthithuytien.pd on

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task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task by addressing the positive impact of a young population on both the private and public sectors. However, it would benefit from additional points or perspectives, such as potential challenges a young population may face, to offer a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the essay generally flows well, linkers and transitional phrases could be used more effectively to create an even more seamless reading experience.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the writer's position and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as the references to Vietnam and the United States, to support the main points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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