In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?
Nowadays,
obesity
is ever ever-growing problem for children
. Increasing artificial products and having an insufficient diet leads to high-weight children
; however
, this
problem can be solved by training parents
as well as
having healthy food
in the home and school
.
Childhood obesity
is increasing because of packaged food
and weak diets. Pupils go to school
and they need to eat something in there. They are influenced by colored packages and they consume these products often. Additionally
, parents
cannot control what they eat during school
time; therefore
, children
's diets are significantly unhealthy. To better illustrate, students must eat their lunch in school
; however
, healthy food
is not provided in the canteen; thus
, they eat fast food
or products such
as chips and crackers.
Well-educated parents
and providing better meals can solve the children
's weight problem. Firstly
, parents
should be aware of their offspring's health. When they have enough ideas about how important a healthy diet is, obesity
in pupils will decrease. In other words
, parents
should be trained in order to have knowledge about healthy lifestyles. Additionally
, it is crucial to give children
better food
such
as salads or fruits because they eat what they find. İf they consume that kind of food
, they will get used to it. To better exemplify, research conducted by Oxford University shows that kids who have a healthy lifestyle tend to live better in the future as well.
To sum up
, processed foods and unhealthy diets are the main causes of obesity
in pupils; however
, it can be solved with trained parents
and feeding children
more healthily.Submitted by xxxx17
on
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task achievement
Your essay covers the causes of childhood obesity and suggests some solutions. However, to achieve a higher score, try to expand on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, you could delve deeper into how exactly training parents can impact children's eating habits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-developed. For example, you could elaborate more on the connection between unhealthy school food and childhood obesity, perhaps by explaining the consequences in more detail or providing more examples.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both parts of the question: the causes and solutions for childhood obesity, thus providing a complete response.
task achievement
You use some specific examples to illustrate your points, which helps to support your arguments.