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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

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Nowadays,
obesity
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 is ever ever-growing problem for
children
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. Increasing artificial products and having an insufficient diet leads to high-weight
children
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;
however
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,
this
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 problem can be solved by training
parents
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as well as
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 having healthy
food
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 in the home and
school
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. Childhood
obesity
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 is increasing because of packaged
food
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 and weak diets. Pupils go to
school
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 and they need to eat something in there. They are influenced by colored packages and they consume these products often.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 cannot control what they eat during
school
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 time;
therefore
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,
children
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's diets are significantly unhealthy. To better illustrate, students must eat their lunch in
school
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;
however
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, healthy
food
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 is not provided in the canteen;
thus
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, they eat fast
food
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 or products
such
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 as chips and crackers. Well-educated
parents
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 and providing better meals can solve the
children
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's weight problem.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 should be aware of their offspring's health. When they have enough ideas about how important a healthy diet is,
obesity
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 in pupils will decrease.
In other words
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,
parents
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 should be trained in order to have knowledge about healthy lifestyles.
Additionally
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, it is crucial to give
children
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 better
food
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such
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 as salads or fruits because they eat what they find. İf they consume that kind of
food
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, they will get used to it. To better exemplify, research conducted by Oxford University shows that kids who have a healthy lifestyle tend to live better in the future as well.
To sum up
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, processed foods and unhealthy diets are the main causes of
obesity
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 in pupils;
however
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, it can be solved with trained
parents
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 and feeding
children
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 more healthily.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the causes of childhood obesity and suggests some solutions. However, to achieve a higher score, try to expand on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, you could delve deeper into how exactly training parents can impact children's eating habits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-developed. For example, you could elaborate more on the connection between unhealthy school food and childhood obesity, perhaps by explaining the consequences in more detail or providing more examples.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both parts of the question: the causes and solutions for childhood obesity, thus providing a complete response.
task achievement
You use some specific examples to illustrate your points, which helps to support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • balanced diet
  • fast food
  • sugary snacks
  • physical activity
  • nutrition education
  • health campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • government regulations
  • home-cooked meals
  • extracurricular sports
  • digital entertainment
  • sedentary behavior
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