IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people say smoking should be banned and some say it is not a good idea. What is your opinion on this? Use your own experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant experiences.

#people #say #idea #support #arguments #experiences
Some believe that it would be better to ban smoking,
while
 others do not think it is a good idea to solve the smoking problem. The writer strongly argues that cigarettes should be forbidden
due to
 their contribution to environmental issues
as well as
 the harm to individuals'
health
. Cigarette contributing to the atmospheric problem is one of the key factors that smoking should be prevented from society. To be specific, cigarettes contain many harmful chemicals
such
 as carbon dioxide and formaldehyde which would affect the environment where they are used publicly.
For instance
, many studies have shown that tobacco farming depletes soil nutrients at a much higher rate than many other crops, necessitating the use of chemical fertilizers and pesticides. These chemicals often run off into local water sources, leading to water pollution that harms aquatic life and contaminates drinking water supplies. Beyond its environmental impacts, smoking poses significant risks to individual
health
.
In other words
, if someone uses
cigarette
Correct article usage
a cigarette
show examples
 in a public area during
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pregnancy or
children
Change preposition
with children
show examples
, those mentioned harmful smoke will be released into the atmosphere and the surrounding area will be covered by toxic gases. It is a leading cause of unpreventable diseases and premature death worldwide as smoking is directly linked to numerous serious
health
 conditions, including lung cancer,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
 disease. Scenarios are people staying in public areas where cigarettes appear are more likely to suffer from those
health
 issues. In conclusion, giving no room for smoking should be enacted because of its demerits to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
along with
 individuals'
health
 impacts.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay should include a more engaging introduction to better capture the reader's attention. The current introduction is quite straightforward and could benefit from a stronger, more compelling opener.
logical structure
Ensure that topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph clearly state the main idea that will be discussed. This helps the reader to follow the argument more easily.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to elaborate slightly more on your points with additional specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument. This could include more statistical data, studies, or real-life instances to make your points more convincing.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples, particularly in the section discussing environmental impacts. This strengthens the arguments and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
complete response
The overall response is complete and addresses both aspects of the question. The writer clearly states their opinion and provides reasoning to support it.
logical structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The transitions between paragraphs are smooth, making the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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