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Writing Samples
Band 7

‏Nowadays environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words, it is an international problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#‏nowadays #persons #countries
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In recent times environmental issues have increased. It is a highly debatable issue whether individuals can control
this
 problem, or whether it is an international issue. I agree that everyone contributes to saving the environment.
This
 essay will outline the benefits and effects of managing environmental
problems
 by individuals.
To begin
,
people
 have a vital role in controlling environmental
problems
. Reducing the number of cars can significantly reduce carbon emissions which leads to maintaining the atmosphere.
For example
, the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that transportation causes 80% of air pollution.
Thus
,
people
 should decrease the number of cars and use other types like buses.
Moreover
, cutting trees could lead to big risks in environmental issues. If
people
 cut trees ,
this
 can reduce carbon dioxide and cause
problems
.
For instance
, deforestation in India makes
people
 suffer from health
problems
.
Therefore
,
people
 can save the environment by growing a lot of plants.
In addition
, industry can
also
 influence environmental
problems
. Many factories produce dangerous emissions that may cause health
problems
. A good example here is my friend who works in oil factories and now suffers from heart disease.
Furthermore
 , the waste not only harms
people
's lives but
also
 makes the view that the country is not good.
This
 can reduce the economy. To illustrate, visitors are attracted to visiting clean places.
As a result
 ,
people
 should be educated to be aware of the importance of a clean environment. In conclusion, minimizing transportation, avoiding deforestation , throwing waste and industry are major causes that individuals can control to save our lives.
Therefore
, the government must support
people
 to make the right decision and put strict rules to avoid these
problems
.
Submitted by 13570581 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are consistently supported with relevant examples throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how individual efforts can and cannot impact environmental issues. This will give a clearer stand on your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay by clearly transitioning between points. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples such as the research conducted at Glasgow University to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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