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Band 7

in many countries, paying for things using mobile phones (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#countries #phones #cellphone #apps #development
This
 essay will discuss the positive and negative aspects of paying with electronic devices and argue why the advantages are superior. Whilst acknowledging that there are drawbacks,
this
 essay will argue the advantages of cashless transactions outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, there are obvious disadvantages,
such
 as losing the sense of the value of
money
due to
 not having it physically in your hands.
Moreover
, moving into a cashless world
,
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gives more power to the government by controlling all your transactions and having a record in your bank statements.
For instance
, if you want to spend your capital on things that politicians do not like you to spend, you will not be able to do it anymore in a cashless world.
On the other hand
, we can see many pros, like not having to carry notes in your pocket, something that many people avoid nowadays because of the chances of losing
money
. A clear example, a
statistic
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statistics
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 have shown that 20% of the
money
 of the entire world's population has been lost accidentally from their pockets.
Furthermore
, another advantage is the control you have over your spending when you have records of your transactions in your online banking, helping many people have a better understanding of their finances.
To sum up
,
this
 essay discussed the pros and cons associated with paying with electronic
money
.
While
 there are clearly disadvantages, in
this
 case, I would probably say that not having to carry
money
 and having control of your spending outweigh the negative aspects of
this
.
Submitted by jimeilaria on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring your points flow more smoothly from one to the next. Use more transitional phrases to link ideas and ensure that each paragraph logically follows the one before it.
task achievement
For task achievement, provide more specific data or examples to support your points. For instance, citing concrete studies or statistical data will strengthen your argument.
introduction
The essay effectively introduces the topic and clearly states the position it will argue, which provides a strong start.
conclusion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made and reinforces the writer's position, which provides a coherent ending to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points in the essay are relevant to the topic and provide a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Uses specific examples like the statistics about lost money to support points, although more detailed data could further strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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