IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

More and more people are moving to big cities these days. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of living in a large city.

#people #cities #city
An increasing number of individuals are relocating to large urban areas nowadays.
While
 there are some benefits,
such
 as access to better job opportunities and higher salaries, I believe the main drawbacks,
for instance
, increased pollution and traffic congestion are more substantial. • On the one hand, a potential advantage of more and more
people
 moving to big
cities
 these days may be the availability of diverse educational institutions and healthcare facilities, which is a major factor that attracts
people
 to big
cities
.
For instance
, metropolitan areas often have a wide range of schools, universities, and specialized training centres. Another perceived benefit is access to better job opportunities and higher salaries, which is another significant reason
people
 are drawn to
cities
.
For example
,
cities
 like London, New York, and Tokyo are hubs for industries
such
 as finance, technology, and media, where skilled professionals can find numerous high-paying positions. •
On the other hand
, a primary disadvantage of the growing number of
people
 migrating to major
cities
 in recent times is that the higher cost of living in big
cities
 often includes increased expenses for housing, utilities, and everyday necessities like groceries and transportation.
For example
, in
cities
 like New York or London, rent prices are significantly higher than in smaller towns, making it difficult for many
people
 to afford comfortable living spaces. A
further
 negative, which is increased pollution and traffic congestion are common issues in large
cities
due to
 the high population density and the heavy use of vehicles. • On balance, it is true that an increasing number of individuals relocating to large urban areas nowadays would seem advantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its negative effects in terms of increased pollution, traffic congestion, and higher cost of living override the advantages.
Submitted by aliaghanjd74 on

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task response
Try to balance the points more clearly by ensuring that each advantage or disadvantage is given roughly equal weight. Currently, the discussion leans slightly more towards the disadvantages.
coherence
Improve cohesion by ensuring smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
The essay presents relevant and specific examples to support the main points.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and effective, providing a strong frame for the essay.
coherence
The logical structure of the essay is mostly clear, making the argument easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cost of living
  • public transportation
  • pollution
  • congestion
  • social isolation
  • cultural amenities
  • job market
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • crime rate
What to do next:
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