IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Technology has made man more social or less social Discuss both views and give opinion

Technolgy has made
people
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 less social than before. The question is, Does technology affect
people
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 social
life
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. In my opinion, I believe the social media apps affects negatively
people
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life
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. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss both views and give my opinion. First of all, there are many
people
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 who used to hang out every day,
however
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, when the social media came up, they did not hang out as usually. because they can text each other by social medias
instead
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 of hang out.
Moreover
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, all
people
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 are able to call or even face call.
In addition
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, they are able to share any moment by using Instagram.
For instance
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, I used to go with my
friends
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 everyday,
however
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, when I got Snapchat on my phone I do not need to see them as we used to do.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, there are many
people
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 who do not like texting or calling, they believe they should meet their
friends
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 and family face to face.
Moreover
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, they believe the social medias affected negatively they social
life
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.
In addition
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, they want to share the activities with their friend
such
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 as playing football or basketball.
For instance
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, my father is upset to his
friends
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 because they do not want to meet each other often. they want to text and call each other.
however
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, my father believe it is not real communication. In conclusion, I would argue that the social media apps made our
life
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 more boring and less interesting.
Furthermore
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, we are not able to share the activities with our
friends
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,
Moreover
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, it affects negatively our healthy.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You talk more about one side than the other side.
task response
Give a clearer opinion from the start and keep the same idea all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear main ideas in each body paragraph.
task response
Use examples, but explain them more so they strongly support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same idea. Try to avoid repetition.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order, so each idea follows the last one in a smooth way.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion.
task response
You discussed both views, not only one side.
task response
You used examples from real life, and this helps your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used simple linking words like however, moreover, and in conclusion.
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