Improving living conditions within society is a far superior approach to crime prevention than the threat of punishment. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

#conditions #society #approach #crime #prevention #threat #punishment

The debate about whether improving the life quality of

people

in society is a more effective approach to

crime

prevention than the threat of

punishment

is a prominent one.

This

essay will discuss both views and state my own opinion. To elaborate, it can not be denied that a better life leads to a lower

crime

rate

due to

the fact that

people

, especially low-income, do not have to struggle for a living. Improving living conditions, including securing access to food, clean water, shelter and utilities, will help

citzens

Correct your spelling

citizens

focus more on something else

such

as self-improvement rather than committing a

crime

. An evidence example can be seen from a developed country

such

as Switzerland, one of the best countries for quality of life, that with higher living conditions, the

crime

rate

ranges from very low to non.

This

will

also

reduce the inequality in our society.

Nevertheless

, a strong

punishment

should be addressed by the authorities to lower the

crime

rate

. Without it,

people

will not be scared to do something illegal.

Additionally

, living in prison is better than living out for certain

people

;

however

, a fine is just a penny to some

people

As a consequence

, the threat of

punishment

needs to be conducted strongly in order to prevent

people

from committing a

crime

. In Japan,

for example

, they have a very strong

punishment

for illegal actions;

therefore

, they become one of the lowest

crime

rates countries in the world. In my point of view, the government can address to problems contributing to

crime

by both improving living conditions to be better than prison for certain

people

and imposing a strong

punishment

. With both of them, the

crime

rate

will eventually decrease and make

this

world a better place to live.

Submitted by bellchatpavee on Sat Sep 14 2024

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task response

The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both improving living conditions and strong punishment. However, it can benefit from a clearer focus on one viewpoint to strengthen the position. A more explicit stance and additional examples relevant to each argument would enhance the depth of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Although the essay is generally well-structured, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'an evidence example' and 'Swiss' should be rephrased for better readability. Pay attention to refining sentence structures and word choices for a smoother flow.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow the argument.

task response

Relevant and specific examples, such as Switzerland and Japan, are used to support the main points. This aids in illustrating the arguments effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Improving living conditions within society is a far superior approach to crime prevention than the threat of punishment. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Machines are replacing humans in the manual workforce. Do you think the positive effects outweigh the negative effects?

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. Do advantage of this development outweigh this disadvantages ?

Last year you attended a presentation skill course at the Sydney College of Australia. Your new employer has asked you to provide copies of your reports and assignments as quickly as possible. Write to the director of the school and request these documents.