IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. DO you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
The working
week
 should be shorter and
workers
 should have a longer weekend.
DO
Correct your spelling
Do
show examples
 you agree or disagree?Personally,I tend to think that the working
week
 should not be shorter and the
workers
 should not have a longer weekend.
Firstly
 ,if
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
week
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 shorter,
workers
 will not work enough.What I mean here is that shortening the
week
 can lead to some problems in achieving productive goals .One of the main reasons behind
that is
 increasing costs. Employers may need to hire more
employees
 to cover all hours of work, which may increase salary and training costs.
Secondly
 ,
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 may have problems with planning.
For example
 ,short working weeks promote significant difficulties with planning and communication with other companies.
On the other hand
 ,it can
also
 be argued that uneven load distribution.
For instance
,in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some industries workload may be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
uneven
Change the word
unevenly
show examples
 distributed among
employees
,
then
 it it can lead to disagreements in the team.
Additionally
,
workers
 have extra stress .Take
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example ,longer weekends mean that
employees
 will want to do everything
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 they need in the short working
week
 .For
clients
Add a comma
clients,
show examples
 it can be not good .
Also
 switching to a new system may need some time for adaptation for
employees
 and employers.In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I want to say ,that notwithstanding that shortening the working
week
 and increasing weekends
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help improve work-life balance,it can create difficulties for businesses and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 .
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing your sentences to ensure clarity and smooth flow. For instance, instead of 'if working week be shorter,' use 'if the working week is shorter.'
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more specific and detailed examples. This will make your essay more compelling and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have made several valid points and supported them with some logical reasoning.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: