Some people think that competition at work, at schooland in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to coctate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
A crowd of
people
think that competition
at the part of life, more precisely at work, at school and in daily life is not a good thing. While
I believe that comparing with others
has more advantages than disadvantages.
On the one
hand , a lot
of people
get stressed when they lose. More people
boast about them. While
others
cry, are frustrated and are disappointed by their bad performance. It is obvious that not every kid or human is smart. So, after a lot
of lost contracts, they can accept the fact, that they are really weak than others
. However
, their opponent can be really smartest people
in this
city or maybe even in this
country. So, it means that people
who studied with them just got stuck. Because they studied with champions and thought that they were really stupid. For instance
, I used to study math olympian. And in my group
was the smartest kid I have ever seen. So, I left this
group
because I was always frustrated because of comparing with this
guy. After 5 years, I read that this
guy got a gold medal in the International Math Olympiad.
On the other hand
, everything that kills us,
makes us stronger. If there is no Remove the comma
apply
competition
, people
do not have any goals. But if there is really competition
, a lot
of people
become eager to win over others
. For instance
, China is the most technologically advanced country in the world. The main reason for this
is competition
. The average IQ of Chinese is far more than others
. I can surely say that,
any Chinese kid is smarter than teenagers of another country. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, if one
teenager wins the republic competition
in China, this
teenager can win the International competition
.
In conclusion, I wanna write one
fact. If in one
group
there will not be competition
, probably this
group
will not be international winners. But if there is competition
as in China, they have a lot
of chance to win. For sure, they should not give upSubmitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both perspectives and directly states your opinion with clarity
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with more depth and provide a balanced discussion of both viewpoints. Ensure your arguments are logically structured
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay by using clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and linking words to connect ideas smoothly
task achievement
Make sure you address each part of the task prompt fully. While you discuss both viewpoints and provide an opinion, ensure each is given adequate exploration and balance
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your arguments comprehensively. The examples should be more clearly linked to the points being made
task achievement
You provided examples to support your arguments and made an attempt to discuss both views, which is critical for this task
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion reiterates your opinion and ties back to the points made in the body of the essay, providing closure to your argument
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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