IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Despite the fact that it has been pointed out that charitable groups ought to solely support their locals, others suggest that the help should be offered to individuals in need regardless of nationality. Personally, I agree with the latter idea as helping
people
Use synonyms
 from every corner of the globe is beneficial to economic growth. On the one hand, some argue that charitable organisations should focus on supporting their own citizens. The reason is that every country has limited resources,
such
Linking Words
 as funding and human resources, which restrict its ability to provide aid beyond national borders. If charities would like to help
people
Use synonyms
 abroad, they would have to divert money that could be used for vital sectors
such
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 as education or healthcare,
thus
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 lowering the quality of life for all citizens.
For instance
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, a tremendous proportion of American young teenagers and their parents complain that when the government funding for local students’ textbooks was redirected to support individuals living in poverty overseas, it led to higher educational expenses and a decline in their standard of living.
On the other hand
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, others, including me, believe that charitable groups ought to assist
people
Use synonyms
 in need without regard to nationality.
This
Linking Words
 is because volunteering work beyond borders prompts the development of good relationships among countries, which contributes to the economic cooperation internationally,
thus
Linking Words
 leading to economic growth for every single country. As an illustration, the officers of the Chinese government said that China has started exporting wheat and grain to India since
last
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 year, which not only creates a massive quantity of job opportunities but
also
Linking Words
 develops local economic growth.
This
Linking Words
 trade is beneficial from the volunteering program, which helps to build good relationships, so the two nations had the chance to make the international trading deal. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 may vary in their opinions in terms of whether charities should only help their own citizens, I am of the opinion that aid ought to be offered to everyone without thinking about nationalities, as it has a positive impact on economic development.

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overall
Your essay has a clear view and good two-side talk. To raise score, add more direct links between ideas and evidence, and check facts for accuracy.
coherence
Try shorter sentences for clarity. Some long lines make reading hard.
task
Work on the examples: make them more precise and relevant to the point you make.
strength
Clear position stated in the opening.
strength
Good use of basic linking words to show contrast.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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