IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
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There is a suggested idea about accepting male and female
students
 in
universities
 equally on any topic. In my opinion, I decline
this
 thought. From the past until now, we have had widespread fields of study in
universities
 most of them related to both genders. But, some of them were dedicated to a specific gender. At present,
this
 process has been continuing in the world.
For instance
, some jobs need to be tolerated in hard conditions like sea engineering because they need to stay on a ship in the ocean for a long time.
On the other hand
, there is a field of medical profession
that is
 devoted to breeding a baby and it is better that the doctor would be a female.
Moreover
, these doctors have a special ability to make them calm to listen to them patiently.
According to
 these reasons, all
universities
 cannot accept males and females equally in every subject.
In addition
, managing the capacity of attendance would be hard. So, it should not be a fixed rule for
students
 in
universities
.
Furthermore
, tendencies and passions have changed in both males and females.
Thus
,
universities
 do not have constant regulations about picking a subject by
students
. As a matter of fact, all
universities
 should provide good facilities for
students
 to study in high quality and support them to have related jobs in future.
Therefore
, the quantity of members is not important in
universities
.
To sum up
,
universities
 should just allow female and male
students
 with the same number in every topic.
In contrast
,
this
 idea is completely wrong and will cause many troubles for both
students
 and managers in future.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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task achievement
Work on improving sentence structures and avoid repetition. For instance, instead of 'breeding a baby,' consider using 'obstetrics' or 'childbirth' for clearer context.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more logically by using transitional phrases. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your viewpoints, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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