IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Evidence suggests that there is a significant rise in the number of money-consumers having willing to use a credit card more than cash. Although some disadvantages are accruing to credit card usage, I believe that advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#evidence #rise #money-consumers #credit #card #cash #usage
These days, technology has been developing immediately;
as a result
, we have a range of tools that help us to do our work easily with high security like a
credit
card
 which is a new replacement for
cash
;
moreover
, most people use it
instead
 of carrying
money
.
while
 a
credit
card
 has several drawbacks, I still believe that cannot overshadow the benefits. On the one hand, the merits of a
credit
card
 are varied.
Firstly
, it is important that you do not carry a lot of
cash
 with high weight to buy the goods that you need owing to the fact that a
credit
card
 can pay for them and its weight is little.
Secondly
, when robbers stile your bag, you do not worry about your
money
 inasmuch as they do not know your
credit
card
 password;
additionally
, the banks which have your
money
 in them can get you a new
card
.
Thirdly
, the newest markets do not have sellers;
hence
, you have to pay in these shops with your
card
.
On the other hand
,
this
 kind of payment has some demerits. On the one side, when you go to the local market to buy things you should pay
cash
 on account of the fact that most of them do not have Pose devices. On the other side, hackers are able to read your cards ,
furthermore
, they are
stoolen
Correct your spelling
stealing
 your
money
 by transferring it to other
credit
 cards. In conclusion, using
credit
 cards has various issues;
however
, in my opinion, the good points can eclipse the bad points
due to
 the fact that they are safer and more useable than
cash
.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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grammar
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the clarity of your essay. Take some time to proofread, and consider using simpler, more concise language to express your ideas more clearly.
examples
The essay presents a clear point of view, but it could be stronger with more specific examples and details to support your arguments further. Try to incorporate data or real-life examples where possible.
flow
To improve the flow of your essay, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using appropriate linking words and phrases to ensure that your ideas are clearly connected.
content
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of credit card usage, which shows an understanding of multiple perspectives.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a structured frame to your essay.
organization
Your main points are logically organized and each paragraph deals with a distinct aspect of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cashless transactions
  • Contactless payments
  • Credit score
  • Debt accumulation
  • Financial management
  • Fraud protection
  • Interest rates
  • Liability
  • Loyalty programs
  • Merchant fees
  • Revolving credit
  • Secure transactions
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