IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?

#people #food #care #costs #influences
There is a concern that most
people
 nowadays do not care about the production methods of their
food
. Their only concern is how much they have to pay for it.
While
this
 may be the case for some, it is not the same for the rest. To my knowledge, there are other important factors
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 the price that most would consider before making a purchase,
such
 as nutritional values and having a balanced diet. Admittedly, in some parts of the world, there are many who do not have the luxury of choosing their sustenance based on anything else aside from the cost. In places where poverty reigns, survival is usually the main concern of its residents. It is not necessary for the meals to be healthy as long as there is
food
 on the table.
For example
, in rural parts of Africa, famine is still a very common
occurence
Correct your spelling
occurrence
. The villagers often have to subsist on mosquitoes.
This
 kind of
food
 would be considered not fit for consumption
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 most modern society, but for those villagers, the alternative would be starvation. Having said that, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a growing trend of eating healthily in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years. More and more
people
 have learned the importance of a balanced diet.
People
 are moving away from cheap junk
food
, they now prefer consuming organic
food
 despite having to pay more. One of the most contributing factors to
this
 is the fact that doctors and dieticians are endorsing the benefits of eating healthily. They are educating the
people
 about how eating heavily processed
food
 can damage their health. Another reason for
this
 is the rising trend of chronic diseases
such
 as diabetes, heart attack, and obesity in recent years.
People
 are realizing that by prioritizing cost over nutritional value, they are slowly killing themselves. As far as I am concerned, everyone should prioritize nutritional values over costs when purchasing
food
, as
it is clear that
 doing so would help prevent many chronic diseases.
Although
 proper
food
 is not affordable for many
people
, more and more
people
 are changing their eating habits for the better across the globe.
Submitted by raymond.sebastianvl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, citing studies or surveys about consumer behavior can make your arguments stronger.
logical structure
Work on refining the logical structure of your essay. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next for better readability.
complete response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, discussing both sides of the argument and providing a balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive, making it easy to understand your viewpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear framework for your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!