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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of deaths caused by terrorist attacks in three countries between 2011 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of deaths caused by terrorist attacks in three countries between 2011 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart illustrates the proportion of
deaths
Use synonyms
 caused by terrorism in three different countries, namely, Afghanistan,
Iraq
Use synonyms
, and Nigeria over a four-year
period
Use synonyms
 from years 2011 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three countries had the same
number
Use synonyms
 of
deaths
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
However
Linking Words
, by the
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 rate had increased. At the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
deaths
Use synonyms
 caused by terrorist attacks was 3000 in all three countries.
However
Linking Words
, all of them experienced a slight decrease rate of
deaths
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2012, when they witnessed a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 increase. From the year 2012,
Iraq
Use synonyms
 experienced a quick rise in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
deaths
Use synonyms
 when it peaked in 2014 reaching 9000
deaths
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 a
dramtic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 drop until the
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, by the
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
Iraq
Use synonyms
 had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
deaths
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Nigeria had
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same pattern as
Iraq
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 its peak reached 7500
deaths
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Afghanistan, started to increase gradually till the
end
Use synonyms
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, reaching around 5000
deaths
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words deaths, iraq, period, number, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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