Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is argued by some that by building more sports facilities, improvement in
overall
public health
can be achieved. Others suggest looking for alternate approaches as this
would not have a significant impact. While
building more activity centres would help people stay fit, I believe that constructing more modern public healthcare units will benefit individuals in this
regard.
Gyms and fitness studios can assist folks in maintaining physical health
through various workouts like weight training, cardio etc. Working out on a regular basis or at proper intervals ensures that some concerns like cholesterol, orthopaedic pain, and even mental well being
etc are in check. Add a hyphen
well-being
As a result
, the physiological and psychological conditions of a human are improved here. For example
, a study by AIIMS Delhi stated that Chandigarh, a state of India, has seen the least admits in public and private hospitals because of their constant focus on enrolling their people in Akhadas, a kind of an
open gym. Correct article usage
apply
However
, this
is not sufficient because fatal health
issues cannot be treated by simply hitting the gym.
Therefore
, state authorities should look towards establishing new hospitals and nursing homes which are state-of-the-art. As the number increases, more hospital beds would
be available. Wrong verb form
will
Hence
, citizens would be able to undergo more medical scrutinies
, routine follow-ups and much more. Fix the agreement mistake
scrutiny
This
in turn would uplift the average health
index of the society. For instance
, during the Covid-19
pandemic's second wave in 2021, every country around the world required more hospital beds than ever to cater to patients affected by the flu. Because of Correct your spelling
COVID-19
this
demand, many fitness studios were also
converted to treatment centres to take in more patients. This
is why, I believe that more modern public health
clinics are required over sports facilities.
In conclusion, we require more investments in the healthcare domain to build more modern hospitals to better the average physiological conditions of a region and only relying on building activity centres is ill-advised.Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on
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task achievement
Ensure to maintain a balance between both perspectives. While your essay strongly supports the idea of modern healthcare facilities, it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of how sports facilities can improve public health, giving equal weight to both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on polishing your transitions between paragraphs. For example, using more varied transition phrases could help in making your points flow better from one to another. Although the essay is clear, improving the logical structure would strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, effectively setting up and wrapping up the essay. This provides good framing for your argument.
relevant specific examples
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, such as the study by AIIMS Delhi and the situation during the Covid-19 pandemic, which help to clearly illustrate your points.